royal cruise ship

Royal Princess® Cruise Ship

A welcoming ambience and innovative offerings create the perfect way to see the world.

• Inaugural Cruise: June 16, 2013
• Christener: Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge
• Guest Cabins: 1,780 total
• Number of Decks: 19
• Tonnage: 142,229
• Length: 1,083 feet
• Height: 217 feet

Your Vacation – Effortless. Personalized.

Make your vacation truly yours on a Princess MedallionClass® cruise that features next-level technology, now on all ships. Enjoy fast, reliable Wi-Fi, TrulyTouchless™ experiences, food and drinks delivered wherever you are and so much more.

Learn more about Princess MedallionClass | Learn more about MedallionNet® Internet  

Accommodations

From the moment you step aboard, we want you to feel welcomed and right at home. And with attentive service from a friendly staff that knows what hospitality means, you’ll find your Princess® ship truly is your home away from home.

Photos, floor plan diagrams, amenities, and furnishings represent typical arrangements and may vary by ship and stateroom.

Most Luxurious Accommodations at Sea

Mini-suite with exclusive vip touches, add an element of luxury to your stay, spectacular views from your room, front row seat for beautiful scenery, our most affordable option, for guests with limited mobility, dining options.

Indulge your appetite whenever you wish on board Princess®. Every hour, our chefs are busy baking, grilling and sautéing great-tasting fare from scratch. Princess offers unparalleled inclusive dining options throughout the ship with a wide range of culinary delights to suit any palate, from endless buffet choice to gourmet pizza, frosty treats, decadent desserts and much more. 1

Dine My Way℠

Dine when, how and where you like.

A (Seafood) Fan Favorite Returns!

Alfredo’s Pizzeria

Hand-tossed pizza, hot out of the oven.

Horizon Court

An ever-changing selection of favorites.

International Café

Sip and snack around the clock.

Trident Grill

Traditional southern bbq, with poolside ease, specialty dining.

Dining on board a Princess® cruise ship is a joyful celebration and our specialty restaurants always deliver an extraordinary experience. They are among the best at sea – or anywhere. We serve dishes made with the freshest ingredients, and our menus reflect regional flavors from around the world. You'll find our specialty restaurants are the perfect place to celebrate any occasion. 1

A Dazzling Dining Adventure

A taste of italy, enjoyed in luxury, timeless steakhouse traditions, wines from around the world, celebrate seafood, a private breakfast with a view, a sweet treat from italy.

On every Princess ship, you'll find so many ways to play, day or night. Explore The Shops of Princess, celebrate cultures at our Festivals of the World or learn a new talent — our onboard activities will keep you engaged every moment of your cruise vacation. 1

Discovery at SEA Programs

Discover even more with discovery™.

Vegas Style Casino

For novices, casual players, or high rollers.

The Seawalk®

Unparalleled views of the sea.

Princess Live!

Lights, sound, action.

Take a Stroll into the European-style Piazza

The Shops of Princess

Tax and duty-free shopping.

Art Gallery & Auctions

Art lovers rejoice—enjoy exquisite art aboard.

Freshwater Pools & Hot Tubs

Soak in a world of relaxation.

Sports Court

Get in the game with a variety of activities.

MedallionNet® Wi-Fi

The best wi-fi at sea.

Afternoon Tea

Celebration of tasty teas and divine desserts, entertainment.

Original musicals, dazzling magic shows, feature films, top comedians and nightclubs that get your feet movin’ and groovin’. There’s something happening around every corner; luckily, you have a whole cruise of days and nights to experience it all. 1

Movies Under the Stars®

A reel treat day or night.

Princess® Watercolor Fantasy Show

A spectacle of water dances to music.

Original Musical Productions

Great venues large and small.

Music & Dancing

Dazzling entertainment every day and night.

Featured Guest Entertainers

At night, the stars shine bright on our stages.

Princess Theater

Broadway-style productions at sea.

Lively Nightlife

Good Spirits At Sea

Good spirits, good stories, joyful rejuvenation.

Revitalize and refresh body, mind and soul with Princess®. From rejuvenating spa treatments and the tranquility of a top-deck retreat reserved just for adults to our state-of-the-art fitness centers, you’ll find all the elements to come back new.

Experience the Ultimate Night of Sleep at Sea

Relax in a tranquil retreat just for adults, go ahead, be pampered – you deserve it, a host of ways to get an energizing workout, luxuriate in our largest-ever thermal suite, kids, teens & family.

From family-friendly stateroom options to enriching youth and family programs, quality time is time well spent. Onboard activities spark curiosity and fuel creativity while excursions ashore engage and inspire!

Explore the Treehouse

Step into the lodge, hang out in the beach house, quality time together.

1 Activities, dining and entertainment options vary by ship and are subject to change. Photos represent typical arrangements and may vary in detail or configuration.

Royal Caribbean's newest ship is also its priciest. Here's what it's like spending as little as possible, with no lobster or other upgrades.

• Royal Caribbean's Icon of the Seas could be an expensive vacation compared to other cruise ships.
• Sailing on the mega-ship without paying for any of its upcharged amenities is possible.
• But it would mean spending at least $265 a day, staying sober, and repeating meals.

A budget vacation on Royal Caribbean's new wildly popular Icon of the Seas is possible. Just be prepared to stay sober, repeat meals, and pay at least $265 a day.

Right now, there's likely no better example of the mass-market cruise industry's shift toward the budget airline strategy — charge a cheap base fare and offer irresistible up-charged amenities — than Royal Caribbean's new world's largest cruise liner.

After all, what other ship comes with a $100,000-a-week cabin and a $200-per-person restaurant?

But it is possible to vacation on the mega-ship without giving into any of its upcharged restaurants and activities. If you're strong enough to do so, here's what your seven nights on Icon of the Seas could look like.

Be warned: It won't include lobsters or private lounges .

Less than half of Icon’s 28 eateries are complimentary, so you’ll likely repeat meals.

Picky eaters are sure to find at least one satisfactory option at the ship's three buffets, one of which is Mexican-themed.

If not, the complimentary pizza shop or sandwiches from the two on-board cafés might suffice.

In search of variety, grab a Mediterranean-style wrap or crepe at the five-stall food hall instead.

For a more formal dinner, budget cruisers can grub on a three-course meal at the complimentary dining room.

The three-floor restaurant has a rotating menu with classics like crab cakes, New York strip steak, and cheesecake.

Just don't expect lobster or filet mignon. Both cost extra.

For better or worse, guests snubbing upcharged options would also be snubbing booze.

Like most mass-market cruise ships, Icon of the Seas' 18 bars aren't free. If you want alcohol and sodas, be prepared to pay for a beverage package.

Thankfully, the ship’s complimentary amenities could distract you from your sobriety.

Icon's surf simulator and impressive six-slide waterpark won't run you a tab.

The same goes for its seven pools and nine hot tubs — save for one of each exclusive to guests who've booked a suite.

For drier activities, families could spend their afternoons scaling the rock climbing wall or testing their putt at the nine-hole mini-golf course.

Or they could work off their lunch buffet by sweating it out at the sports court — basketball and ping pong included — for no extra charges.

Fortunately, Icon of the Seas' nighttime entertainment is also a great equalizer. Its ice skating performance, rendition of the Broadway hit "Wizard of Oz," and multi-disciplinary dance, swim, and dive show are complimentary to all guests.

But if you want to test your fear of heights at the part-walking, part-agility, part-ziplining Crown's Edge , you'll have to cough up $49.

The arcade games aren't free, either.

Guests staying in suites have access to a shared outdoor lounge.

There's also the option to pay up to $700 for one day with a private cabana-like "casita."

But if you're on a budget, you'll have to fight "pool chair hogs" for the best poolside seating instead. (Consider bringing a sheet mask with you — a 25-minute facial at the ship's spa is almost $150.)

And hold off on your Instagram photo dumps until after your vacation.

Otherwise, you'll have to cough up $31 per day and device for streaming-enabled WiFi, totaling $217 for the duration of the cruise. (Icon of the Seas is exclusively operating seven-night sailings.)

But let’s face it: The base fare alone isn’t ultra-affordable compared to other cruise ships.

Patrick Scholes, a lodging and leisure research analyst at Truist Securities, told Business Insider in late 2023, three months before Icon's launch , that the vessel was priced at a premium of "at least 50%, if not more."

Steep, compared to the typical 20% to 50% new-ship premiums.

The cheapest interior stateroom for 2024 currently costs $265 per person per day.

But even the windowless cabin comes with its own list of upgrades.

Travelers who want to pick their own stateroom must pay an additional $128 per person. If they opt for one of the larger (by at least one square foot) interior cabins, it'll be an extra $100.

Which is to say, good luck avoiding any of the upcharged amenities on your Icon of the Seas vacation .

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Symphony of the Seas

The 6,680-passenger, 2,200-crew-member Symphony of the Seas set sail in 2018 and features 18 decks packed with activities.

For heart-pounding fun, travelers will find a surf simulator, an indoor ice skating rink, two 40-foot rock walls, a zip line and a 10-story slide. Meanwhile, relaxation seekers can unwind in the spa, sip cocktails made by robotic bartenders or stroll through the Central Park -inspired neighborhood.

Onboard snacks and meals are served at 20 quick-service and sit-down eateries. The Main Dining Room is where the ship's traditional, complimentary dinners are provided nightly, but specialty options like a steakhouse, a bistro and a Johnny Rockets outpost are also available. What's more, cruisers can dine at Jamie's Italian, a restaurant helmed by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.

After filling up on gourmet fare, passengers can retreat to their cabins, all of which include work desks, flat-screen TVs and minibars. Guests can choose from 149-square-foot Interior Staterooms, some of which have virtual balconies with real-time views of the ocean, or opt for upgraded cabins with furnished balconies and up to 1,524 square feet of space. Select suites also feature two bedrooms, whirlpool tubs and dining rooms.

Symphony of the Seas departs from Cape Liberty, New Jersey, Miami , Fort Lauderdale, Rome and Barcelona for sailings throughout the Caribbean and Europe.

U.S. News Insider Tip: If you’re on one of the 19 Royal Caribbean ships that have a FlowRider, like Symphony of the Seas (which has two!), reserve a private lesson with a pro. For a small fee, you'll save yourself some embarrassment and get more ride time. – Skye Sherman, Contributor

Odyssey of the Seas

Launched in July 2021, the Odyssey of the Seas holds 5,498 passengers and 1,550 crew members. Royal Caribbean's latest ship is the first Quantum Ultra Class vessel to sail in the United States. As a member of this class, Odyssey of the Seas offers standout amenities like RipCord by iFLY, billed as the only skydiving simulator available at sea, and the FlowRider, a 40-foot-long surf simulator. There is also the North Star observation capsule, which hoists guests 300 feet above sea level over the cruise ship to enjoy unparalleled views below. 

In addition to these thrilling activities, the ship comes equipped with standard facilities like pools, an arcade, a spa, a fitness center with classes, kids clubs and shopping venues. There are also 15 dining options, ranging from Japanese fare to all-you-can-eat buffets to Starbucks. For drinks, the ship offers nine bars and lounges, giving passengers plenty of places to enjoy libations. Entertainment options include theatrical performances, live music, a casino, outdoor movie nights and more. 

As far as cabins go, cruisers can choose between Interior, Ocean View, and Balcony staterooms, as well as suite accommodations and new Virtual Balcony rooms. These technologically advanced cabins feature floor-to-ceiling displays that project real-time views of the sights and sounds from the outside of the ship. 

Odyssey of the Seas sails to ports in Europe, as well as to various destinations in the Caribbean from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and Cape Liberty, New Jersey.

Wonder of the Seas

Wonder of the Seas, which embarked on its maiden voyage in March 2022, holds 7,084 passengers and 2,204 crew members. The ship measures 1,188 feet long and 215 feet wide, and it weighs 235,600 gross tons. It surpasses its sister ship, Symphony of the Seas , as one of the largest cruise ships in the world.  

Guests can enjoy plenty of thrill activities on board, such as the Ultimate Abyss – a 10-story dark tunnel slide – or the 40-foot-long FlowRider surf stimulator. The ship also offers a fitness center, shopping venues, rock climbing, a carousel and clubs for kids and teens. When it's time to dine, cruisers have the option of 21 dining venues ranging from Italian fare to Southern cuisine. Travelers can also indulge in a few cocktails at 14 bars and lounges.

Accommodations include Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite staterooms. If you're looking for something more spacious, check out the ship's all-new Suite Neighborhood. Located on the upper decks, these suites offer guests ample private quarters to recharge during the cruise. Amenities included in the exclusive suites include priority boarding, a members-only dining facility and a dedicated check-in line. For families, the new neighborhood may be of particular interest because it features the Ultimate Family Suite. The family suite offers two floors of space with stunning ocean views, in-suite movies and video games and a kids slide between the floors.  

Wonder of the Seas sails from Orlando , Florida, to ports in the Caribbean.

Allure of the Seas

The 6,826-passenger Allure of the Seas, unveiled in 2010, is among the largest cruise ships in the world. There are a whopping 2,054 crew members on board to cater to passengers' needs. Along with signature line amenities like rock climbing walls and ice skating rinks, the ship houses seven unique neighborhoods with a variety of activities, shows and dining options. The ship underwent a $165 million refurbishment in 2020, which added approximately 50 new staterooms, the Ultimate Abyss (the tallest slide at sea), redesigned kids and teens spaces, new dining venues and more.

Other standout features include a zip line that descends 10 decks, two surf simulators and a science lab. Plus, with 19 dining options – and a Starbucks at sea – every member of the family will be satisfied.

In terms of lodging, about 65% of cabins feature balconies, and all staterooms are appointed with TVs and minifridges. Interior staterooms are the most economical option, but those who splurge on Suites are granted larger balconies and concierge service. Crowd-free areas might be difficult to find due to the outrageous capacity of the ship, but some recent cruisers praise the nonstop activity and entertainment. 

Allure of the Seas departs from Miami, Orlando, Florida, and Galveston , Texas, for sailings in the Caribbean.

Harmony of the Seas

Welcoming up to 6,687 passengers and 2,200 crew members, Harmony of the Seas is one of the largest cruise ships in the world. Launched in 2016 and tuned up in 2021, the ship features Royal Caribbean staples like surf simulators and rock climbing walls, as well as innovative amenities like the Ultimate Abyss (a 10-story slide) and three multistory waterslides. Plus, while younger passengers play in the arcade or at age-appropriate clubs, adults can relax at the spa or sip cocktails at multiple bars and lounges.

After working up an appetite, guests can choose from 20 dining options. Past cruisers especially praised the multitude of specialty restaurants, which range from Mexican to Japanese fare and require reservations and an additional fee.

When it comes to lodging, Harmony of the Seas offers a wide variety of cabin categories, with more than 70% of cabins featuring balconies. While Interior staterooms are the most economical choice, those looking for a little more space and luxury should consider upgrading to a Suite, which range from Junior Suites to four-bedroom Villa Suites. While all cabins offer flat-screen TVs and minibars, suites include access to a private restaurant, lounge and sun deck.

Harmony of the Seas sails from Miami and Galveston, Texas , to destinations throughout the Caribbean.

Mariner of the Seas

Introduced in 2003 and overhauled in mid-2018, Mariner of the Seas features passenger favorites like the Escape Room, the Izumi Japanese restaurant and a surf simulator. During the ship's refurbishment, Royal Caribbean also added 100 new staterooms, updated cabins and public spaces and added fan-favorite restaurant Jamie's Italian by chef Jamie Oliver.

Though the 4,000-passenger ship features a 1-to-3 crew-to-passenger ratio, recent cruisers said the vessel still maintains a high level of customer service. When it comes to dining, the ship offers 11 venues, including a multilevel main dining room. The ship's 10 bars and lounges and onboard entertainment, which includes Broadway-style shows, earn a consistent nod of approval from past cruisers. Kids have plenty of age-appropriate entertainment, too, including youth programs and teen lounges. Mariner of the Seas touts three pools and six whirlpools. These areas of the ship attract a high concentration of children.

Past travelers were generally complimentary of the staterooms. Similar to its sister ships, Mariner of the Seas offers four stateroom categories: Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite. All staterooms include flat-screen TVs and Wi-Fi accessibility. 

Mariner of the Seas departs from  Orlando , Florida, and Galveston, Texas, for sailings in the Caribbean, Bermuda and the  Bahamas .

Adventure of the Seas

Adventure of the Seas (first launched in 2001) underwent an extensive renovation in January 2018. It boasts modern amenities like an outdoor movie screen and Wi-Fi (for an extra fee). Other highlights include an ice skating rink, a surf simulator and a rock climbing wall. 

There are seven dining venues across the ship, the newest of which is the Izumi Japanese specialty restaurant. While adults can relax at the ship's nine bars and lounges, youngsters can mix and mingle at age-appropriate youth clubs and a teens-only disco. Among other onboard amenities, Adventure of the Seas features an abundance of pools and whirlpools, including an indoor/outdoor pool and lounge area exclusive to adults called the Solarium.

When it comes to lodging, recent cruisers found staterooms to be comfortable and spacious. Cabins come in four categories – Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite – and about 60% offer ocean views. The ship's 2018 revamp brought with it new Interior and Ocean View staterooms, as well as a new Suite Lounge. While it may be difficult to find quiet spaces on the 3,807-passenger ship, recent guests were still complimentary of the service on board and the 1-to-3 crew-to-guest ratio. 

Adventure of the Seas sails to various destinations in the Caribbean from Fort Lauderdale , Florida and Orlando , Florida. The ship also completes transatlantic voyages.

Oasis of the Seas

The 6,771-passenger Oasis of the Seas saw an extensive refurbishment in late 2019, unveiling the line's first dedicated karaoke venue, a live music space with a large dance floor, brand-new dining options (including a barbecue restaurant), three waterslides, new bars and more. 

While this ship is not for those seeking secluded spaces, most cruisers say the seven distinct onboard neighborhoods make up for that. The behemoth ship features designer boutiques and larger staterooms than other ships in the fleet.

Like other Royal Caribbean vessels, Oasis of the Seas offers four cabin categories: Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite. Interior rooms average about 150 square feet, while Suite category cabins can span anywhere from 287 to 1,524 square feet and include added amenities like Jacuzzis and expansive balconies.

While recent cruisers were impressed with the ship's abundant amenities, they noted that with 2,109 crew members, there aren't many tailored onboard experiences – especially when the ship is filled to capacity. Oasis of the Seas caters to those looking for nonstop onboard action.

Oasis of the Seas sails from Miami , Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Barcelona and Rome to destinations in the Bahamas , the Caribbean, Europe and the Mediterranean. The ship also offers transatlantic voyages.

U.S. News Insider Tip: On Oasis-class ships, stop at Vitality Café for protein shakes and fresh juices. – Skye Sherman, Contributor

Ovation of the Seas

The 4,905-passenger, 1,500-crew-member Ovation of the Seas features a skydiving simulator, an observation pod that hovers 300 feet above the sea and a bionic bar where robots mix cocktails. Other highlights include a rock climbing wall, a surf simulator, an outdoor movie screen and upscale boutiques like Cartier.

After working up an appetite, passengers can take their pick of 16 eateries, including six signature restaurants that require reservations and an additional fee. Many recent cruisers praised the cuisine, from the main dining room buffet to the Italian menu created by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.

Travelers were also mostly complimentary of the staterooms, 75% of which boast balconies. The ship offers Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite category accommodations, all of which are equipped with flat-screen TVs, safes and sitting areas. Even those staying in Interior rooms can catch a glimpse of the sea with virtual balconies that give a real-time view of the ship's location.

The most common drawback, according to cruisers? You're likely to encounter long lines and crowded common areas. Some recent travelers also felt the service was not as good as expected. 

Ovation of the Seas sets sail from Vancouver ,  Honolulu , Seattle  and  Sydney  for itineraries in Alaska, Australia, Hawaii and the South Pacific.

Vision of the Seas

Most recently updated in late 2018 (with the exception of routine maintenance in 2022), the 2,514-passenger, 742-crew-member Vision of the Seas offers Royal Caribbean staples like diverse dining venues and nonstop entertainment. Past cruisers especially praise the ship's appealing decor and the Solarium, an adults-only pool and lounge area. 

In terms of food, travelers can choose from the main dining room, the buffet and several casual eateries. Cruisers recommend springing for a meal at the ship's specialty restaurants, which range from the Chops Grille steakhouse to the Izumi Asian venue. Food in the main dining room received mixed reviews, but travelers praised the service around the ship.

When it comes to daytime activities, guests can try rock climbing, swim in the pools (which can become crowded) or play games in the casino. There are also sushi- and cupcake-making classes available.

In terms of lodging, Vision of the Seas touts four staterooms categories: Interior, Ocean View, Balcony and Suite. Interior cabins range from 136 to 252 square feet, while Suites on the opposite end of the spectrum range from 243 to 1,140 square feet. Opt for a balcony-equipped Suite and you'll enjoy cushier extras like whirlpool bathtubs. All cabins include amenities like flat-screen TVs and vanity areas. 

Vision of the Seas departs from Baltimore for itineraries in the Caribbean, New England and Canada.

Disclaimers about ship ratings: A ship’s Health Rating is based on vessel inspection scores published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). If a ship did not receive a CDC score within 22 months prior to the calculation of its Overall Rating, its Health Rating appears as N/A; in such a case, the ship’s Overall Rating is calculated using the average Health Rating of all CDC-rated ships within the cruise line. All ship Traveler Ratings are based on ratings provided under license by Cruiseline.com.

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The 7 classes of Royal Caribbean cruise ships, explained

Editor's Note

Even if you're a newcomer to cruising, you've probably heard of Royal Caribbean 's giant Icon Class and Oasis Class ships. With the exception of a single MSC Cruises vessel , they're far bigger than any other cruise vessel afloat and like nothing else you'll find at sea.

Indeed, when you hear people talking about the wow factor of Royal Caribbean's "floating megaresorts," it's likely they're referring to the six ships in these two sets of vessels. This includes the just-unveiled Icon of the Seas — the world's biggest cruise ship.

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That said, not all Royal Caribbean ships are similarly supersized. While the line is perhaps best known for giant vessels — it operates six of the 10 biggest cruise ships in the world — it also markets some relatively smaller, more intimate ships.

In fact, Royal Caribbean has eight vessels that are less than half the size of the Oasis Class ships.

If you're thinking about booking a Royal Caribbean cruise, you'll find the line offers a wide range of ship styles and designs.

With the relatively recent removal of two older ships from its fleet, Royal Caribbean — the world's largest cruise line by passenger capacity — now has 27 oceangoing vessels in all. That's more than any other major cruise line, and it means that you have a lot of choices when it comes to picking the perfect Royal Caribbean ship for you.

Related: The ultimate guide to Royal Caribbean

The good news for those of you trying to get a handle on all the options is that the 27 ships can easily be bunched into just seven groups of vessels that have similar amenities. If you know one member of the group, you know them all.

These seven groups are made up of ships constructed around the same time with the same basic design. They're known in cruise industry lingo as "classes," and each has its own look and feel.

An introduction to Royal Caribbean ships

For the most part, Royal Caribbean operates big, bustling megaships that will appeal to people who like a megaresort experience. The company has built its brand around offering vacationers a ton of diversions on its ships, whether for dining (some vessels have more than 20 distinct places to grab a bite) or entertainment. Its vessels are lively and fun.

The over-the-top megaresort experience on a Royal Caribbean ship varies from class to class, though.

Related: Everything you need to know about Royal Caribbean cabins and suites

The line's one Icon Class and five Oasis Class ships are unlike anything else you'll find at sea when it comes to size, amenities and capacity. They each can hold more than 6,600 passengers, with every berth full.

Somewhat smaller in size but still giant by any measure, each of the line's five Quantum Class and three Freedom Class vessels has a total capacity ranging from around 4,500 to 5,600 passengers. With space for around 3,800 passengers at maximum occupancy, the line's five Voyager Class vessels are relatively large, too.

Together, the 19 vessels of these five classes — Icon, Oasis, Quantum, Freedom and Voyager — make up Royal Caribbean's big-ship fleet. The line's remaining eight vessels, split among two classes, are smaller, with maximum occupancy topping out at around 2,500 passengers.

While no longer the focus at Royal Caribbean, the smaller ships (which are generally the line's older ships) allow it to offer itineraries to places that aren't as easy for big ships to visit. Not all ports in the world can handle a ship the size of Icon of the Seas.

The smaller ships also appeal to a subset of Royal Caribbean fans who prefer more intimacy in a cruise vessel and don't mind giving up some onboard amenities to get it. They are also often less expensive to sail per day.

Related: A beginners guide to picking a cruise line

As you might expect, the biggest Royal Caribbean ships have the most amenities. With each step down in size, you'll find fewer restaurants, bars, entertainment venues and attractions. Even the smallest Royal Caribbean ships still have quite a bit to offer, though.

If you're sailing with the line for the first time, it's important to understand that not all of Royal Caribbean's signature attractions and venues are present on all its ships. For instance, while every Royal Caribbean vessel now has one of the line's iconic climbing walls (some have two), only the 19 ships of the line's big-ship classes have a FlowRider surfing simulator. Only the 14 ships of the Icon, Oasis, Freedom and Voyager classes have ice skating rinks.

Here is a look at the seven classes of Royal Caribbean ships in more detail.

Ships in class: Icon of the Seas (2024), Star of the Seas (coming in 2025); unnamed vessel (coming in 2026)

Size: 250,800 tons

Is your idea of a great vacation a trip to a megaresort loaded with more restaurants, bars, theaters and watery amusements than you can imagine? Royal Caribbean's new Icon Class is the ship class for you.

As mentioned above, Icon of the Seas — the only Icon Class ship currently in operation — is bigger than any other cruise vessel afloat at 250,800 tons, and for big-ship lovers, there's really nothing quite like it. The two more Icon Class ships debuting soon will be equally over-the-top in size and venues.

Each of the Icon Class vessels that are operating or soon to debut has been designed with seven separate pools (a new record for a cruise ship), a water park with six waterslides (also a record), a kiddie splash zone, surfing simulators, a miniature golf course, a basketball court and even a zip line. And that's just on their top decks.

Inside the vessels, you'll find more lounges, bars, restaurants and shops than you can imagine — plus huge casinos, spas and showrooms with Broadway-style shows. They even have indoor ice skating rinks, just in case you want to get your Michelle Kwan on.

What you won't find on the Icon Class ships is intimacy. These are vessels that can carry as many as 7,600 passengers when every berth is filled. They operate with around 2,300 crew members. That means you could be sharing your vacation with nearly 10,000 people.

If the above sounds downright outrageous to you, it is. Keep in mind, though, that the biggest megaresorts on land are even bigger. The biggest resort in the U.S. — The Venetian in Las Vegas — has 7,092 rooms. That means it can hold more than 14,000 guests, assuming there are two people per room.

By that measure, Icon Class ships are almost small.

Icon Class ships also don't necessarily feel as crowded as they are. Royal Caribbean's designers are masters at creating vessels that can carry thousands and thousands of people but still feel relatively uncrowded — at least in some areas. You can have a quiet afternoon reading a book on a bench in the sometimes nearly empty, tree-lined Central Park area of Icon of the Seas while, just a few decks above, thousands of vacationers are frolicking about at the ship's pools.

Related: Why Royal Caribbean's new Icon of the Seas won't feel as crowded as you think

Only one ship in this series (Icon of the Seas) is currently operating, but the second vessel in the series (Star of the Seas) is already open for bookings. Its maiden voyage is set for Aug. 17, 2025.

Quantum Class

Ships in class: Quantum of the Seas (2014), Anthem of the Seas (2015), Ovation of the Seas (2016), Spectrum of the Seas (2019) and Odyssey of the Seas (2021)

Size: 168,666 to 169,379 tons

Unveiled in 2014, the Quantum Class may be Royal Caribbean's most innovative class ever.

In addition to a wide range of restaurants, bars and showrooms, the five ships in the class feature some of the most unusual new attractions you'll find at sea. This includes bumper car pavilions (yes, somehow they found room for these) and skydiving simulators.

The ships also have glass-enclosed capsules mounted on mechanical arms that will take you soaring into the sky for bird's-eye views. They're called the North Star rides, and they may be the oddest attractions ever added to the top of a cruise ship.

Quantum Class ships also feature unusual, multilevel entertainment spaces with floor-to-ceiling glass walls called Two70. The spaces are home to innovative shows that often feature aerial performers, singers and dancers who emerge from openings in the floor or the ceiling. At certain times of the day, the glass walls transform into an expansive ambient surface called Vistarama that projects real and imagined scenes.

Related: The 10 wildest attractions you'll find on a cruise ship

All the above come in addition to many of the core Royal Caribbean attractions you'll find on most of the brand's ships, including pools, rock climbing walls, casinos, spas and Broadway-style shows. But don't expect all the classic Royal Caribbean features on Quantum Class ships. For instance, you won't find ice skating rinks on the vessels even though they're a staple of all other big Royal Caribbean ships. Quantum Class ships also don't have water parks.

The Quantum Class ships aren't quite as big as Royal Caribbean's Icon Class and Oasis Class vessels (and thus don't have quite as much room for things like ice skating rinks). At around 169,000 tons, though, they're still among the biggest ships at sea, with a significant number of venues.

They also can carry a lot of people. Most of the ships in the class hold 4,180 passengers at double occupancy — 4,905 if every berth is filled. One exception is Spectrum of the Seas, which was specifically built for the China market with some design differences. It can hold up to 5,622 passengers. Additionally, the newest ship in the series, Odyssey of the Seas, can hold up to 5,498 passengers.

Related: 4 things you'll love about Royal Caribbean's new Odyssey of the Seas

One more big difference between the ships of the Quantum Class and other big Royal Caribbean ships: The Quantum Class ships are designed to be more versatile.

If you look closely at their deck plans, you'll notice that more of their main attractions are indoors and protected from the elements than the ships of the Icon, Oasis or Freedom classes, for example.

One of the two main pool areas on each Quantum Class ship (except Odyssey of the Seas) is enclosed. The bumper car pavilions are, too, doubling as roller skating rinks or indoor basketball courts. This allows Royal Caribbean to send the ships to cooler regions of the world, such as Alaska and Northern Europe, where the temperatures aren't always conducive to outdoor activity.

Royal Caribbean has also used some Quantum Class ships for sailings out of China.

Related: Everything you need to know about Royal Caribbean's loyalty program

Oasis Class

Ships in class: Oasis of the Seas (2009), Allure of the Seas (2010), Harmony of the Seas (2016), Symphony of the Seas (2018), Wonder of the Seas (2022) and Utopia of the Seas (coming 2024)

Size: 226,838 to 236,857 tons

Until this year's debut of Icon of the Seas, these were the world's biggest and most venue-packed cruise ships. Although they're not quite as big as the new vessel, they remain among the very best options for vacationers who love nothing more than a big, bustling resort with every sort of amusement known to humans.

Each of the Oasis Class vessels has three separate main pool areas, a kiddie splash zone, surfing simulators, a miniature golf course, a basketball court and a zip line on their top decks — a nearly as wide array of features as the new Icon of the Seas. Inside the vessels, as on Icon of the Seas, you'll find a seemingly endless number of lounges, bars, restaurants and shops, as well as large casinos, spas and showrooms. Like Icon of the Seas, each ship has an indoor ice skating rink.

As is the case for Royal Caribbean's new Icon Class ships, which have many similarities with the Oasis Class ships, these vessels carry a huge number of people. They can carry as many as 6,988 passengers when every berth is filled. They operate with around 2,200 crew members. That means you could be sharing your vacation with more than 9,000 people — not quite as many as the nearly 10,000 you could find on an Icon Class ship but still a huge number.

The good news for those of you worried about excessive crowds is that, as is the case with the Icon Class ships, the Oasis Class ships don't necessarily feel as crowded as they are. Royal Caribbean designed them with a "neighborhood" concept that spreads passengers out in seven or eight (depending on the ship) distinct areas, such as the Pool and Sports Zone and the Boardwalk amusement zone. A lot of thought went into how passengers move between these neighborhoods, too.

Note that there are a few differences from ship to ship in the Oasis Class series. For starters, the three newest and largest ships in the series — Wonder of the Seas, Symphony of the Seas and Harmony of the Seas — have a few additional attractions and venues. Among them is the Ultimate Abyss, a terrifying slide that drops nine decks. (Royal Caribbean says it drops 10 decks, but don't be fooled; the line counts a nonexistent Deck 13.)

There are also giant waterslides on four of the five ships. Only Allure of the Seas is missing them. There are plans to add waterslides to Allure of the Seas, but they were put on hold after COVID-19 shut down cruising in 2020.

Related: The 6 most spectacular waterslides and watery fun zones at sea

A handful of restaurants also differ from ship to ship in the series.

The newest and largest ship in the series, Wonder of the Seas, has the most differences from the other Oasis Class vessels. At 236,857 tons, it's about 4% bigger than the next biggest ship in the series; the extra space is devoted to such additions as a dedicated suite area with a private lounge, a restaurant and a sun deck.

Related: Why Wonder of the Seas is awesome for families | Wonder of the Seas cabin comparison | A wild race to try every Wonder of the Seas attraction in 2 days

A sixth ship in the Oasis Class series, Utopia of the Seas , is scheduled to debut in July. Construction of the vessel began in April 2022 at the Chantiers de l'Atlantique shipyard in St. Nazaire, France — the same shipyard that built Wonder of the Seas.

Radiance Class

Ships in class: Radiance of the Seas (2001), Brilliance of the Seas (2002), Serenade of the Seas (2003) and Jewel of the Seas (2004)

Size: 90,090 tons

Not sure you want to sail on a megaship with 6,000 people but still want a vessel with a good amount of features and activities? The Radiance Class ships may be the perfect solution.

At 90,090 tons, the four vessels in the series are less than half the size of Royal Caribbean's massive Icon Class and Oasis Class ships, but still big enough that they have a lot to offer.

Each vessel has more than a half-dozen places to eat, including the main restaurant, a casual buffet, a steakhouse, an Italian restaurant and an Asian venue.

You'll also find three pools on each ship, whirlpools, a rock climbing wall, a miniature golf course, a sports court and an adults-only solarium. Each ship has a theater, a spa, a casino, and multiple bars and lounges.

What you won't find on the ships, because of their smaller size, are all the gee-whiz attractions — such as ice skating rinks, surfing simulators, giant waterslides and bumper car pavilions — that Royal Caribbean has put on its bigger vessels. If you can't live without those sorts of features on a cruise ship, the Radiance class probably isn't for you.

Each Radiance Class ship holds more than 2,100 passengers at double occupancy (plus a few hundred more with every berth filled). That's less than half the number of passengers on the biggest Royal Caribbean ships.

That makes them perfect for cruisers who want to get away from the sort of crowds on the biggest megaships without giving up many of the amenities that big ships offer.

Freedom Class

Ships in class: Freedom of the Seas (2006), Liberty of the Seas (2007) and Independence of the Seas (2008)

Size: 154,407 to 156,271 tons

As recently as 2009, these were the biggest cruise ships in the world, and they're still quite big compared to almost all other cruise vessels afloat.

While no longer on the list of the top 25 biggest cruise ships — they've been displaced by Royal Caribbean's Icon, Oasis and Quantum Class vessels, as well as several ships from other lines — the Freedom Class vessels offer a classic big-ship experience with lots of restaurants, bars, showrooms and deck-top attractions.

The Freedom Class ships, notably, were the first Royal Caribbean ships to feature a FlowRider surfing simulator on their top decks — now a signature attraction for the line. The vessels also have multiple pool areas, a water park, a miniature golf course and a rock climbing wall on their top decks (which are among the most activity-packed at sea).

Indeed, the top decks of Freedom Class ships are more loaded with attractions than any other Royal Caribbean vessels except the Icon Class and Oasis Class vessels. You just won't find several of the most over-the-top attractions, such as zip lines, that Icon Class and Oasis Class ships have.

In their interiors, Freedom Class vessels have the mall-like Royal Promenade spaces filled with eateries, bars and shops that have become standard on bigger Royal Caribbean ships. They also have large casinos and spas.

Related: Royal Caribbean just fixed the worst part of cruising

At around 156,000 tons, the Freedom Class ships are about 38% smaller than the Icon Class ships and 31% smaller than the Oasis Class ships, a significant step down in size. They're nearly 8% smaller than the Quantum Class ships.

They also carry significantly fewer passengers than the Oasis Class ships. Freedom of the Seas and Independence of the Seas carry about 3,900 passengers at double occupancy (closer to 4,600 with every berth filled). Liberty of the Seas can carry several hundred more.

Voyager Class

Ships in class: Voyager of the Seas (1999), Explorer of the Seas (2000), Adventure of the Seas (2001), Navigator of the Seas (2002) and Mariner of the Seas (2003)

Size: 137,276 to 139,999 tons

The Voyager Class ships are similar to Freedom Class ships but shorter in length. In other words, the Freedom Class was a stretched version of the Voyager Class.

Like the Freedom Class vessels, the Voyager Class ships have many of Royal Caribbean's signature attractions, including rock climbing walls and ice skating rinks. In fact, the ships were the first at Royal Caribbean to have those attractions.

Voyager Class ships were also the first to feature a Royal Promenade with bars, cafes and shops in their interior. Each also has several specialty restaurants in addition to the main dining room and casual buffet; specialty restaurants include a version of Royal Caribbean's signature Chops Grille steakhouse and an Italian restaurant.

One of the main differences between the Voyager Class and the Freedom Class is that the Royal Promenades on Voyager Class ships are shorter. The top-deck areas of the Voyager Class ships are also more truncated than the Freedom Class vessels.

There are also fewer cabins on the Voyager Class ships, resulting in fewer passengers on board a typical sailing. Most of the ships carry around 3,100 passengers at double occupancy — about 800 fewer than the typical Freedom Class ship.

At around 139,000 tons, the ships are about 11% smaller than the Freedom Class ships.

There are also some variations in attractions among the five Voyager Class vessels. Navigator of the Seas has a relatively new waterslide zone that's home to The Blaster, the longest waterslide at sea . You won't find that on the other ships, though most of them have different waterslides. Only three of the five ships — Voyager of the Seas, Navigator of the Seas and Mariner of the Seas — have laser tag courses. Adventure of the Seas is the only vessel in the class with a kiddie splash zone.

Related: Why the overhaul of Navigator of the Seas was so great

Vision Class

Ships in class: Grandeur of the Seas (1996), Rhapsody of the Seas (1997), Enchantment of the Seas (1997) and Vision of the Seas (1998)

Size: 73,817 to 82,910 tons

Dating to the 1990s, the Vision Class ships are the smallest at Royal Caribbean, and they offer fewer onboard attractions and amenities than is typical for the line's vessels.

In general, they appeal to cruisers looking for a more intimate experience on a cruise ship as well as those who care more about the destinations they visit than the onboard attractions.

Along those lines, Royal Caribbean often sends some of its Vision Class ships to Europe in the summer to operate port call-intensive itineraries. The vessels also often sail longer trips in the Caribbean that include less-visited southerly islands. In both cases, the allure of the cruises has more to do with the ports the ships visit than the onboard experience.

Vision Class ships are also sometimes based in secondary ports such as Baltimore or San Juan, Puerto Rico, where the size of the local cruise market might not warrant a larger vessel.

Except for rock climbing walls, the Vision Class ships have none of the signature Royal Caribbean deck-top attractions such as surfing and skydiving simulators. For the most part, their top decks are lined with pools, whirlpools and sunning areas, as is typical for ships built in the 1990s. All have at least two pools and six whirlpools, except for Enchantment of the Seas, which has three pools and six whirlpools.

Related: Is cruising right for you? Start by asking yourself these 7 questions

In addition to main restaurants and casual buffets, each ship has at least one (and often several) additional specialty restaurants. The line's signature Chops Grille steakhouse and Italian eatery Giovanni's Table are two of them. Rhapsody of the Seas has the biggest selection of dining; Enchantment of the Seas has the smallest. Three of the four vessels — all but Enchantment of the Seas — have an Izumi Asian restaurant.

Each of the ships varies slightly in size. Grandeur of the Seas is the smallest of the four vessels, measuring around 74,000 tons. Enchantment of the Seas is the biggest, measuring around 83,000 tons (it was, notably, lengthened by 73 feet in 2005).

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Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

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“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

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The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

Read: The last place on Earth any tourist should go

I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

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ORLANDO’S BEST FAMILY VACATION

Wonder of the seas.

Wonder of the Seas® is more than just another attraction. It’s Orlando’s best family vacation — sailing from Cape Canaveral.

Everything is a big deal on the boldest and biggest ship in the world, Wonder of the Seas®. This is a larger-than-life, island-hopping adventure with epic thrills for all ages. Kids can revel in next-level playtime. Adrenaline chasers meet their match at Ultimate Abyss℠. And everyone savors delicious dining options from homespun Southern classics with a twist to rustic Italian favorites. Get ready to launch from the Space Coast to our private island, Perfect Day at Coco Cay and discover the eastern and western shores of the Caribbean. Only on Royal Caribbean®.

BLAST OFF FROM THE SPACE COAST

Cape Canaveral is your launching point for out-of-this-world adventures to sun-kissed eastern and western Caribbean shores — plus our private island, Perfect Day at CocoCay.

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The biggest ship in the world is also the first to bring eight unique neighborhoods to the epic Oasis Class — including the luxurious Suite Neighborhood. So there's more room than ever for adventure, palate-pleasing dining, and awe-inspiring entertainment — only on Royal Caribbean®.

ALL OUT. ALL DAY.

This isn't just another day at sea. It's way more to see — and do. From fleet favorite thrills, like the FlowRider®* surf simulator’s 30,000 gallons of rushing awesome, to adventures designed to change the way you play, including a whole immersive spin on mini golf and a climbable, slidable space that’s leagues away from your ordinary playground.

BOLD BITES AND ENDLESS DELIGHTS

The biggest ship in the world is going even bigger on flavor, with limitless options to satisfy every palette. Upscale cuisine? Check. Craveable comforts? Check. Quick but delicious bites you can grab between adventures? It’s all on the menu.

SHOWS THAT WHOA

Vacation is no time for tame — and Wonder of the Seas® definitely ups the ante on downtime. Whether you’re looking for jawdropping feats at the AquaTheater, your own slice of the spotlight at our signature karaoke bar, or cocktails with a view at the Vue Bar℠.

Suite Neighborhood

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LET ADVENTURE BE YOUR GUIDE

Wonder of the Seas® is going to change the way you vacay — big time. With thrills at every turn, a pool deck overflowing with sun and games for all ages, bold bites of all types, and showstoppers that never stop. Launch from the Space Coast to our private island,  Perfect Day at CocoCay and explore the gems of the Caribbean.

WHERE THRILLS COME TRUE

It’s always an exciting time in Cape Canaveral, with everything from captivating museums to unforgettable manatee sightings, and world-class golf to out-of-this-world adventure at the Kennedy Space Center. And now, the Space Coast is your launch site for the best family vacation in Orlando — onboard the Wonder of the Seas®. Let the bolder memory-making begin.

EXPLORE CRUISES FROM ORLANDO

SET YOUR SIGHT ON PARADISE

Get ready for your gateway to the gems of the Caribbean. Take on rainforest roaming in Roatán and cenote scoping in Cozumel on a Western Caribbean itinerary. Or claim your slice of paradise on the beaches of St. Thomas and take a true culture trip to the two sides of  St. Maarten  — Dutch and French — on Eastern Caribbean sailings. Both with stops at our totally reimagined private island,  Perfect Day at CocoCay .

EXPLORE CARIBBEAN CRUISES

BIG TIME THRILLS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

You’ve never had a family vacay like this before — with more onboard to see, do, play and conquer. Like the underwater-themed Wonder Playscape℠. Wonder Dunes, where you can tee up for an immersive, story-based mini golf journey under the sun or stars. And so much more.

A Hole Way To Play

Tee off for a game of mini golf unlike anything you've played before —on land or sea, day or night. This isn't your regular round of putt-putt. It's Wonder Dunes, onboard the Wonder of the Seas®. Immerse yourself in a wild, watery, undersea story where seasnails sport racings stripes, turtles guard the way to winding mazes and a giant octopus rules the course.

A Hideout Hangout

Teens will get an exclusive space that’s all their own —Social100. Beyond the secret entrance, there’s a hangout spot where it’s always game on with the latest consoles. Plus music to jam out to, movies, and plenty of comfortable places to kick back with new friends. Just outside is our most maxed-out patio yet, with lawn games, a juice bar serving up tastebud tempting mocktails and ice cream floats, and for the first time ever, a whirlpool to chill beneath the sun or stars.

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This is not paint by numbers —this is play outside the lines. Kids can let their imaginations guide the way, with plenty of whimsical rooms to roam and climbable creations to explore at Play Place. Interactive tinker time at Workshop. Friendly competition at Arena. Spaces to call their own at Hangout. Plus dedicated programs that will engage all the senses for babies and younger kids at AO Babies and AO Juniors.

The Mason Jar

Chops grille, 150 central park, schooner bar, johnny rockets, spotlight karaoke, sugar beach, solarium bistro, the vue bar, wonder playscape, what to know before you go wonder of the seas® is orlando’s best family vacation..

From endless onboard thrills to gourmet globetrotting and top-notch shows, Wonder of the Seas® surprises with thrills and wow-worthy experiences at every turn. Like The Perfect Storm℠ waterslide trio and a zip line 10 decks high. Or SplashawayBay℠ aqua park, where kids have gallons of fun. And with over 20 mouthwatering dining options, it’s easy to treat yourself to a delicious globetrotting adventure. Plus when it comes to showstopping entertainment, the world’s biggest ship dazzles with shows that transcend air and water. Take a peek at our guides to discover all the adventures that await you onboard Wonder of the Seas®.

Guide to the Best Cruise Restaurants Onboard Wonder of the Seas

10 of the Best Things to do Onboard wonder of the Seas

The Family Guide to Wonder of the Seas

Cruise ship wonder of the seas reviews, explore more.

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Heartbreaking video shows cruise ship passenger swimming, fishing with friends week before fatal jump.

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Heartbreaking video shows 20-year-old Levion Parker happily swimming in the ocean and fishing with his pals just a week before he drunkenly jumped off a Royal Caribbean cruise ship and was never seen again.

The TikTok video was posted by Parker’s friend, Kaleb Felty, on March 27 and shows Parker beaming on a boat off Florida and splashing around in the shallows.

At one point, a shirtless Parker holds up a fish he’d just caught. Another clip shows him fighting with a fish on his line as it darts under the boat before it cuts to Parker taking a dip in the sea.

Felty posted several other videos of Parker, including one of him hunting with a bow and arrow. In another video he dubbed a “typical Levion moment,” Parker feeds pelicans a fish out of his hands from a boat.

Parker’s pal also posted a slideshow of several photos of the two together, writing “I will see you again one way or another.”

Parker, of North Port, Florida, jumped off the 11th deck of the Liberty of the Seas around 4 a.m. on April 4, plummeting 200 feet into the Atlantic in front of his helpless brother and father while heading to Cuba and the Bahamas’ Grand Inagua Island, Florida officials said.

He had been drinking and had just gotten into an argument with his father, witnesses said.

“There was a lot of yelling, and the crew was alerted immediately,” cruise passenger Deborah Morrison told The Post.

“His family was horrified. Just beside themselves,” she added.

Royal Caribbean said it “immediately” launched search boats to look for the 20-year-old and alerted the Coast Guard, which later took over the search. 

The boy’s stunned father, Francel Parker, told The Daily Sun he threw six life rings off the ship in hopes of saving his son before the massive vessel was able to come to a stop about 20 minutes later.

Five days later, The Coast Guard called off its search.

Francel Parker is demanding to know how his underage son was given alcohol on the four-day cruise.

However Royal Caribbean sources told The Daily Mail he could have purchased the booze offboard, where the drinking age is 18.

“We have a strict policy on underage drinking. We did not serve this guest on board,” the source told the outlet. “The ship was docked in the Dominican Republic that day, so we cannot speak to what guest did when he was off the ship.”

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