a christian journey through grief

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A biblical model of grieving: hope in the midst of your grief.

•   September 7, 2011

The Big Idea: This article provides a 1,000-word summary of God’s Healing for Life’s Losses [1] . In just 1,000 words we contrast the world’s way of grieving with the Word’s way of grieving and growing.

How Do We Face Suffering?

How do we face suffering face-to-face with God rather than turning our backs on God during the grieving process? What does the journey with God look like as we find hope when we’re hurting ?

In finding God’s healing for life’s losses, we have two basic options. We can turn to the world’s way. Or, we can follow the way of God’s Word.

The World’s Way: Is That All There Is?

Students of human grief have developed various models that track typical grief responses. Swiss-born psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book On Death and Dying , popularized a five-stage model of grieving based upon her research into how terminally ill persons respond to the news of their terminal illness. Her five stages have since been used worldwide to describe all grief responses.

A Researched-Based Model of the Grief Process

• Denial : This is the shock reaction. “It can’t be true.” “No, not me.” We refuse to believe what happened.
• Anger : Resentment grows. “Why me?” “Why my child?” “This isn’t fair!” We direct blame toward God, others, and ourselves. We feel agitated, irritated, moody, and on edge.
• Bargaining : We try to make a deal, insisting that things be the way they used to be. “God, if You heal my little girl, then I’ll never drink again.” We call a temporary truce with God.
• Depression : Now we say, “Yes, me.” The courage to admit our loss brings sadness (which can be healthy mourning and grieving) and/or hopelessness (which is unhealthy mourning and grieving).
• Acceptance : Now we face our loss calmly. It is a time of silent reflection and regrouping. “Life has to go on. How? What do I do now?” [2]

  Understanding the World’s Limitations

 These proposed stages in the grief process seek to track typical grief responses . However, they do not attempt to assess if this is what is best to occur . Nor could they assess, simply through scientific research, whether these responses correspond to God’s process for hurting (grieving) and hoping (growing) .

 We must understand something about research in a fallen world. At best, it describes what typically occurs. It cannot, with assurance and authority, prescribe what should occur. Research attempts to understand the nature of human nature are thwarted by the fallenness of our nature and of our world.

 As Dallas Willard explains:

Secular psychology is not in an “at-best” set of circumstances. The question of who we are and what we are here for is not an easy one, of course. For those who must rely upon a strictly secular viewpoint for insight, such questions are especially tough. Why? Because we do in fact live in a world in ruins. We do not exist now in the element for which we were designed. So in light of that truth, it’s essentially impossible to determine our nature by observation alone, because we are only seen in a perpetually unnatural position. [3]

The Word’s Way: All You Need for Your Healing Journey

Understanding these research limitations, and believing in the sufficiency of Scripture, we can focus on a revelation-based model. We can address and assess the typical five stages of grieving, however, we can move beyond them.

The biblical approach to grieving and growing identifies eight scriptural “stages” in our responses to life’s losses. God’s way equips us to move through hurt to hope in Christ—from grieving to growing. We call it “Biblical Sufferology”—a scripturally wise and practically relevant understanding of suffering.

Biblical Sufferology

Sustaining in Suffering: Stages of Hurt

“It’s Normal to Hurt and Necessary to Grieve”

Stage             Typical Grief Response      Biblical Grief Response

Stage One          Denial/Isolation                         Candor: Honesty with Myself

Stage Two          Anger/Resentment                    Complaint: Honesty with God

Stage Three       Bargaining/Works                      Cry: Asking God for Help

Stage Four         Depression/Alienation              Comfort: Receiving God’s Help

Healing in Suffering: Stages of Hope

“It’s Possible to Hope and Supernatural to Grow”

Stage            Typical Acceptance Response    Biblical Growth Response

Stage Five          Regrouping                                        Waiting: Trusting with Faith

Stage Six            Deadening                                         Wailing: Groaning with Hope

Stage Seven       Despairing/Doubting                        Weaving: Perceiving with Grace

Stage Eight         Digging Cisterns                               Worshipping: Engaging with Love

The first four stages involve sustaining in suffering , which we explore in chapters two through five of God’s Healing for Life’s Losses . The second four stages relate to healing in suffering , which we explore in chapters six through nine.

Please always remember that these “stages” are a relational process, not sequential steps. Grieving and growing is not a neat, nice package. It isn’t a tidy procedure.

Grieving and growing is messy because life is messy. Moving through hurt to hope is a two-steps-forward, one-step-backwards endeavor. We don’t “conquer a stage” and never return to it.

Rather than picturing a linear, step-by-step route, imagine a three dimensional maze with many possible paths, frequent detours, backtracking, and even the ability to reside in more than one “stage” at the same time.

However, positive movement is possible. In fact, it is promised. You can find God’s healing for your losses. You can find hope in your hurt.

Whatever your grieving experience has been like up to this point, don’t quit. Don’t give up.

Join the journey. Experience the biblical reality that it’s normal to hurt and necessary to grieve . Learn how to move from denial to personal honesty (candor), from anger to honesty with God (complaint), from bargaining to asking God for help (crying out), and from depression to receiving God’s help (comfort).

Stay on the path. Experience the biblical reality that it’s possible to hope and supernatural to grow . Learn how to move from regrouping to trusting with faith (waiting on God), from deadening to groaning with hope (wailing to God), from despair to perceiving with grace (weaving in God’s truth), and from digging cisterns to engaging with love (worshipping God and ministering to others).

God truly does provide you with everything you need for life and godliness. Through the Word of God, the Spirit of God, and the people of God, you have all you need for your healing journey.

Join the Journey

1.   What is your initial response to this eight-stage biblical approach compared to the typical five-stage approach of the world?

2.   What do you think it would be like to apply the stages of grieving (candor, complaint, crying out, and comfort) and the stages of growth (waiting, wailing, weaving, and worshipping) to your grief and growth journey?

Note: You Can Read the Blog Post of This Article at https://rpmministries.org/2010/07/a-biblical-model-of-grieving/ .

[1] From Bob Kellemen, God’s Healing for Life’s Losses , pp. 10, 18-19. For more information, visit: http://www.rpmministries.org/writing/gods-healing-for-lifes-losses/

[2] Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying , throughout.

[3] Dallas Willard, The Spirit of the Disciplines , p. 45.

RPM Ministries, LLC Equipping You to Change Lives with Christ’s Changeless Truth Christ-Centered, Comprehensive, Compassionate, and Culturally-Informed Biblical Counseling and Spiritual Formation [email protected]

About the Author

Bob Kellemen

Bob pastored four churches and trained lay biblical counselors in each church. Dr. Kellemen also served as a professor at two seminaries and one Bible college, including serving as Professor of Biblical Counseling, Dean of Students, and Academic Dean at Faith Bible Seminary in Lafayette, Indiana. Bob also served as the founding Executive Director of the Biblical Counseling Coalition . Bob is the founder and Executive Director of RPM Ministries , through which he writes , blogs , provides free resources , and consults. Bob is the author of 23 books . He now gives his time providing pro bono counseling for pastors, counselors, educators, and missionaries. Bob and his wife, Shirley, have been married for over forty years and have two adult children and three granddaughters.

Recent Posts by Bob Kellemen:

• 12 Top Biblical Counseling Books of 2023 — December 29, 2023
• 25 Biblical Counseling Podcasts — September 8, 2023
• The 22 Top Biblical Counseling Books of 2022 — December 28, 2022

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7 Healthy Ways Christians Can Deal with Grief

• Jolene Underwood Contributing Writer
• Published Feb 28, 2022

When you've been through a painful loss, and a friend asks, "How are you?” how do you respond? Are you quick to brush it off, or do tears come easily? Maybe emotions surface, but you do whatever you can to keep them at bay. Responses to loss vary by person, day, and circumstance as part of the normal process of grief. Some losses feel more significant than others even when it doesn't make sense, while others are excruciating to face. Do you ever fear you’ll break down and never get up again?

Regardless of varying responses, we hold in common the need to grieve to heal and grow.

I've wept the loss of loved ones who moved or passed away. I’ve sobbed from losses within relationships when I realized I couldn’t have what I wanted and needed. Emotional pain has penetrated deeply, and I’ve felt like I’d never make it through. At other times, grief didn’t seem to have a source. It felt like a steady thrum, an unmovable weight deep in my spirit. When friends got curious about my experience, I felt less alone. The weight of grief felt lighter.

Loss comes in many forms. We experience loss through the death of loved ones and when relationships, jobs, or life roles change. Also, when someone we’ve hoped would change never does. Parents feel a sense of loss when children grow up and make choices different from our values. We even experience loss when we make the changes we want because what's ahead is not what we've had before.

Grief is a normal and appropriate response to the losses we experience in this world.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

What Is Grief?

Grief is our body's way of responding to losing something we valued or to what was familiar. We experience emotional pain due to the change from what we had (or thought we had) to what we don’t have. There is a sense of something missing, whether what’s missing is good or bad. Feelings of grief can be overwhelming, as sadness permeates all we think, say, and do. Grief reveals itself through tears, anger, storytelling and reminiscence, confusion, and a flood of questions as we sort through how life has changed, and we don't want to believe our new reality is what’s true.

What Does the Bible Say about Grieving?

In the book of Psalms, David repeatedly grieved. He poured out emotional pain to God when he felt distant from God, when his son died, and when Saul chased him, and David lost a sense of safety. Job faced unimaginable losses compounded on each other. Jeremiah is called the wailing prophet as he lamented over Israel. Jesus wept ( John 11:35 ) when he felt moved by the loss of Lazarus.

Throughout the Bible, we see grief appear as a common experience. One without shame, guilt, or condemnation. Grief becomes a pathway to deep feeling and reveals vulnerable needs. Perhaps you’ve felt closer to God in your grief, as I have.

Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

We are to offer comfort to one another as an outpouring of the comfort we receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we receive from God.”

Some of us deny emotions (like sadness and anger) because they don’t feel OK to experience as a Christian. Yet, how can we receive God’s loving comfort if we deny we need it? Grief in scripture reveals our humanity designed after God’s image. God is an emotional and relational God who is acquainted with grief ( Isaiah 53:3 , Mark 3:5 ).

God is the giver of emotions and he designed healthy ways to deal with grief.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/ Blasius Erlinger

7 Healthy Ways Christians Should Deal with Grief

1. Allow Emotions to Surface

Have you ever sensed the need to cry, get angry, or ask questions? Please don’t ignore what’s surfacing. Our emotions signal something we need. Emotions drive us to action, and the action we need to take may be feeling as part of the process of letting go.

There are times when the depth of emotions that accompany grief need to be held off temporarily because it is not safe or wise. However, we can retreat to spaces where emotions can be felt. If you’re driving or in a crowded room, it may be helpful to pull over or find a space where emotions can surface.

When you sense emotions surfacing, allow them. The emotions don’t need to be understood, but they need to be processed.

2. Feel the Feelings

Does the idea of feeling sadness or anger seem overwhelming? Scary? Wrong? Unnecessary? Many of us naturally avoid feeling emotions because of faulty beliefs, past experiences, or because it seems like once we feel, the emotion will consume us. My counseling supervisor recently said something to me that I think is helpful here. "Emotions have a beginning and an end." When we feel the feelings, we will not always feel that way.

NOTE:  I'm not referring to chronic struggles with depression, which is more than grief.

Some grief emotions aren't that big. It is easy to deny them space in our lives, especially when doing so seems unimportant or silly. Even so, when those emotions surface it is important to pay attention. Take a minute or two to feel and release them.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/ Oliver Rossi

3. Grieve Alone and with Others

Grieving alone offers us space to feel intense emotion without worrying about others. Solitary grieving may be less about being alone, and more about getting honest with ourselves. Also, when we take time to feel grief without other people around, we can reach out to God in prayer or journaling . We make space for the quiet we need to connect with God and hear from him . As helpful as grieving alone can be, we are designed by a relational God and need to grieve with others.

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

When we grieve with another person, we receive from them something Dr. John Townsend calls “relational nutrients.” What we receive through others is something we cannot give or get within ourselves. There are neurons in our brain that respond to other people's facial expressions and experiences. Through caring experiences with others, our brains are changed, and we can find our way to healthy living in new realities.

4. Acknowledge the Good and the Bad

A common, unhealthy response to difficult circumstances and emotions is seeing (or remembering) things as all good or bad. For example, when a loved one dies, we may remember all the good things about them without acknowledging the truth about the bad we also experienced. Maybe they did things that hurt or harmed us, but when the person is gone, we choose to ignore those truths and the result of the harm.

We need to address the reality of what was bad while holding space for the good. Likewise, we need to acknowledge good even when it seems like everything was bad. If grief involves situations filled with pain, the good we reflect may have to do with what we can be grateful for. Good may include our perseverance, moments of kindness, or the fruit of growth we experience because of troubling situations. Always, good includes God anchoring goodness and faithfulness no matter what we’re going through.

Good and bad coincide. Likewise, grief and hope often exist together, which we see proclaimed multiple times in scripture. For example, when David laments in the Psalms, we often see him closing the lament with a choice to hope in God ( Psalms 31 , 39, 40, 42). This declaration is like an anchor for the soul to know that there is good and bad.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Jasmin Merdan

5. Accept the Reality of What Is (or Was) and Grieve What Is Not and May Never Be

This point may sound like a mouthful, but it is essential. We need to accept the reality of what is true now or was true before a loss is experienced in our circumstances and relationships. Acceptance of reality helps us grieve losses well. Perhaps, we feel sad, angry, or confused because our hopes, dreams, desires, and expectation have not been fulfilled and may never be, particularly with another person. When we continue to put our hope in what we want to be true, we pressure ourselves and others to keep us from experiencing the good God wants for us.

The commonly recited Serenity Prayer reminds us to accept what we cannot change. As challenging as this is, it is an essential component to grieving well.

Choosing acceptance includes facing the reality of who someone/something was or will not be, at least for now. Acceptance includes seeing the truth about good and bad and grieving what you cannot have. Like when an adult grieves the loss of a parent who couldn't or wouldn't provide loving care. Healthy grief acknowledges the loss of love, kindness, or desired change that never came.

6. Acknowledge Losses That Seem Invalid

One especially painful type of grief is losing a relationship with someone still alive. This kind of loss comes through a divorce, through physical and mental health deteriorations, and through relationships that end because of another person’s choice or the need to set healthy limits.

The losses we feel from relationships that die, though the other person is still alive, can seem invalid. Perhaps you’ve been told you should just be grateful. Remember, we can acknowledge what was good, but we must also acknowledge the truth of the loss we feel if we want to grieve well.

Another seemingly invalid loss happens when we make life choices we’re glad about. By making these choices, such as taking a new job or doing courageous things, we lose what was familiar. Losses related to personal growth are still losses.

These are valid reasons for experiencing grief. Acknowledge the grief you feel, even as you smile for the future ahead of you.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/ Maskot

7. Allow Time and Space for Grief

There is no set timetable for grief. If someone says you’ve been grieving too long, they may speak from their own anxiety around feeling loss. Others may put expectations on us about how long grief should take. However, if someone says we need to move on, or we feel the need to be done with grief, it is time to get curious. Grief may have moved into depression, or we may have refused to allow grief the space it needs.

It takes time to process emotions and experience new things. We cannot rush the process by ignoring what we need, like facing our feelings and taking actions that align with the kind of person we want to be in our new reality.

Why Is it Important to Face Grief?

Unattended grief causes a ripple effect of repercussions. Internally, the body takes on added stress that affects our immune systems and energy levels. Externally, our behavior includes heightened emotional responses that have little to nothing to do with another person or our circumstance and everything to do with the underlying, undealt with grief. We become wounded people walking, potentially wounding others as we run away from the grief we need to process.

As Christians, we have the hope of God at work in and through us, no matter the circumstance. He designed healthy ways to deal with grief, and the fruit includes experiencing abundant life as God designed ( John 10:10 ). May this be your experience as you grieve.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/ Erica Shires

Note: Counseling services are available via telehealth for adult residents of Texas only. No advice given here should be a substitute for mental health services.

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Grief and the Christian

We worship a big God. He is sovereign and powerful. We are in His hands, and nothing happens to us by chance. That's good news. But in grief, if that is all we remember about God, it might actually make the pain worse, rather than better. It might leave us thinking, like Mary and Martha (John 11:21, 32), "Lord, you could have stopped this, and you purposely didn't. Why?" God's sovereignty might leave us more angry than comforted.

So we need to remember some other things, too.

Jesus Defeated Death

God hates death even more than we do. That's part of the reason Jesus came. The wonderful news for us is that when Jesus broke death's power by dying and rising from the dead, He did it not only for Himself but also for all who are united to Him (Heb. 2:14–15).

That means that those who die in Christ are more alive than ever and are experiencing life, joy, and glory beyond anything we can imagine, right now, in God's very presence. It may seem that the Lord did not "heal" or "protect" them, but in fact He has healed and protected them in a much fuller, deeper, more permanent way.

When our oldest child went away to college, I expected to spend weeks feeling weepy from missing him. But he was so happy there, and I was so happy for him, that I found I wasn't nearly as sad as I had expected. Similarly, when we know that our loved one is free, alive, and worshiping the Lord face-to-face with joy and abandon, it helps lessen our sadness.

We Grieve with Hope

First Thessalonians 4:13 says, "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope." Notice that the text does not say that we shouldn't grieve, just that we should grieve differently than those who have no hope.

Even in the context of hope, we still grieve, and that is appropriate. Jesus Himself wept at His friend's tomb. The Bible does not dismiss or minimize grief, and we shouldn't underestimate its impact. But we grieve differently than those without hope.

Let's say I don't know Jesus, and I believe there is no further existence after death. Then if my husband dies, he really is lost to me. Every single thing that made him who he was—his quirky sense of humor, his passion for people (and basketball and popcorn), his warm smile, his open heart, all of it—is gone forever. That grief is a black hole.

But for those who die in Christ—and for those who grieve in Christ—the picture is very different.

The sorrow of missing loved ones is still incredibly painful, but the separation is only temporary. We will see them again. That is an entirely different picture.

God Is with Us

In the midst of grief, it is critical for us to remember that the God who is sovereign and mighty is also Immanuel—God with us.

When our grief is debilitating and it feels impossible to function, God does not sit aloof in heaven. He does not leave us to figure out how to handle grief on our own or how to cast about for resources to get through it. He walks every step of the journey with us.

Jesus came and lived as a human in this broken world. He gets it. He knows the tormenting thirst and weakness of life's final hours. As our High Priest who fully understands our heartaches, He intercedes for us (Heb. 7:25), as does His Holy Spirit (Rom. 8:26). He calls us friends (John 15:15) and promises that He will never leave nor forsake us (Heb. 13:5), that His Spirit will dwell in us (John 14), and that He will give us peace (14:27; 16:33) and even joy (15:11; 16:22).

What we need most in the midst of grief is God Himself. He will meet us, give us Himself, fill the void left by our loved ones, warm our hearts, lift our burdens, and draw us into the sweet balm of fellowship with His Spirit. And as our Father tenderly swaddles us in His love, our love for Him will grow, our faith and trust will deepen, and even amid the heartache of grief we will praise Him with deep and true joy.

This is something the Lord does by His Spirit, through His Word, prayer, and the fellowship and love of His people. Those means of grace are not "tasks" for our to-do list—more burdens placed on our grief-weary shoulders. They are His love for us. If in your grief you struggle to pray or read the Bible, ask someone to pray for you and read the Bible to you. Grief is really, really hard. It hurts like crazy. But the Lord has broken death's power, and therefore His children who have died are with Him. And He is with us. And before you know it, we will be together with Him and with them. That removes death's sting—it really does. Even in the rending ache of grief, with the Holy Spirit's help, we can hang on to Jesus and grieve with the hope that His death and resurrection bought for us.

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Honest conversations about grief: Navigating the journey of loss

Opinion Barry Howard  |  August 7, 2023

Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience , an emotional upheaval that comes hand in hand with loss. Whether it be the passing of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship or even the loss of a job or a dream, grief manifests in various forms throughout our lives.

Orson Scott Card contends, “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.”

Barry Howard

Despite being a universal emotion, it often is one of the most difficult to discuss openly. In a society that tends to avoid uncomfortable topics, having honest conversations about grief becomes essential in fostering healing and understanding for those who are navigating through the depths of sorrow.

Grief is a multifaceted and complex emotion . It can be unpredictable, chaotic and different for each individual. Therefore, it is imperative to recognize there is no “right” way to grieve. Some may experience intense emotions immediately, while others may take longer to process their feelings. There is no timetable for healing, and individuals should feel free to grieve at their own pace without judgment or pressure.

Here are some tips of how to respond to your own grief or the grief experienced by others:

Call on the resources of your faith and faith community . Although faith does not exempt us from grief, faith does equip us to grieve in healthy ways. Grief is tremendously tough for those who are grounded in their faith. Grief can be devastating to those with no faith foundation and no community of support.

“Although faith does not exempt us from grief, faith does equip us to grieve in healthy ways.”

Acknowledge your grief. Do not keep it bottled up deep inside. Society has ingrained the idea that grieving should be done privately, behind closed doors, making it challenging for those experiencing grief to share their pain with others.

This lack of open dialogue can lead to isolation, feelings of loneliness and a reluctance to seek support. It is crucial to encourage open conversations about grief and break the silence surrounding it.

Richard Rohr advises, “As any good therapist will tell you, you cannot heal what you do not acknowledge, and what you do not consciously acknowledge will remain in control of you from within, festering and destroying you and those around you.”

Empathy and respect are essential . To engage in honest conversations about grief, empathy is the key. Understanding and acknowledging the pain of others without judgment allows for a deeper connection and a more supportive environment. Grief can be overwhelming, and simply having someone listen and validate one’s feelings can make a significant difference in the healing process.

Empathy also involves avoiding clichés and platitudes, as they can unintentionally invalidate the grieving person’s experience. Phrases like “time heals all wounds” or “they are in a better place” may be well-intentioned, but they can be dismissive of the individual’s pain. Instead, offering a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and a simple “I’m here for you” can provide immeasurable comfort.

Provide grace and space for others to grieve. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a grieving friend or family member. Honest conversations about grief create safe spaces for people to express their feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.

Active listening and genuine engagement enable the bereaved to share their stories openly. Such safe spaces can be formal, like support groups or counseling sessions, or informal, among close friends and family.

Help destigmatize grief. The societal expectation to “stay strong” and “move on” often leads to the stigmatization of grief. Honest conversations about grief help break down these barriers and create a supportive environment for those who are suffering. When people feel comfortable sharing their experiences, they find solace in knowing they are not alone, reducing the burden of their grief.

Encourage professional help when needed . While conversations with friends and family are essential, some individuals may require professional help to process their grief fully. Honest discussions about grief also can include gentle encouragement for seeking counseling or therapy. Trained professionals can offer specialized support and tools to navigate the challenging terrain of grief.

“Supporting someone going through grief is not about trying to fix their pain; rather, it is about being a compassionate presence.”

Offer support, not advice or explanation . Supporting someone going through grief is not about trying to fix their pain; rather, it is about being a compassionate presence. Here are some ways to be supportive:

• Be present: Offer your presence and companionship without judgment. Sometimes, a silent presence can be more comforting than words.
• Listen actively: Give the bereaved person space to talk about their feelings, memories and experiences. Listen attentively and avoid interrupting or imposing your own opinions.
• Validate their emotions: Let them know their feelings are valid and that it is OK to grieve.
• Offer practical help: Assist with daily tasks, such as preparing meals or running errands, as grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting.
• Avoid imposing timelines: Not all friends and family members grieve at the same pace. Recognize that grief is a personal journey and allow the individual to process their emotions at their own pace.

Honest conversations about grief are essential for promoting healing and understanding among those experiencing loss. Breaking the silence and providing a safe space for individuals to share their pain can help dispel the stigma around grieving and foster a supportive community. Empathy and active listening play a crucial role in supporting the bereaved during their journey through grief. By embracing the reality of grief and offering a compassionate presence, we can help those who are grieving feel seen, heard and supported as they navigate the complexities of loss.

Sarah Bessen suggests: “Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” That is the goal of healthy grief, to gradually lead us from the emotional tumult toward a place of stability.

Barry Howard serves as pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, live in Brookhaven, Ga.

Related articles:

Learning the mixed metaphors of grief, a primary color | Opinion by Milton Brasher-Cunningham

‘Grief brain’: The three big deficits of grief | Opinion by Laurie Taylor

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How to Grieve Well as a Christian: A Comprehensive Guide

Grieving the loss of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences that a person can go through. As Christians, we believe that death is not the end and that our loved ones are now with our Lord and Savior in Heaven. However, even with this hope, grief can still feel overwhelming and all-consuming.

Learning how to grieve well is essential for Christians who want to find comfort and healing in the midst of their pain. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore various aspects of grief from a Christian perspective and provide practical steps for navigating the grieving process in a healthy and God-honoring way.

Whether you are currently grieving the loss of a loved one, supporting someone who is grieving, or just seeking to deepen your understanding of grief and how to process it, this guide is for you. So, grab a cup of coffee, find a quiet place, and join us on this journey towards healing and hope.

Understanding Grief and its Impact on Your Faith

The experience of losing a loved one is perhaps one of the most difficult things that any of us will face in our lives. As Christians , we know that we can turn to our faith for comfort and strength during these times of immense sorrow. But even with this knowledge, the grieving process can be incredibly challenging to navigate.

Grief affects us in many different ways, both emotionally and spiritually. It’s important to understand that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Processing our emotions is an individual journey, and we all must find our own way through it.

When we experience grief, it can often impact our relationship with God. It’s natural to feel angry or even abandoned in the wake of loss. This is where faith comes in. By staying grounded in our spiritual beliefs , we can begin to find a sense of hope and purpose even in the midst of immense pain.

It’s also essential to remember that grieving is not a one-time event. It’s a process that can last for months, years, or even a lifetime. Each stage of the grieving process has its own unique challenges, and it’s important to understand and accept this journey fully.

Ultimately, grief can have a profound impact on our lives and our faith. But by understanding its impact, and finding the support we need, we can begin to navigate this journey and find healing on the other side.

The Theology of Grief: How God Comforts His Children in Times of Sorrow

God’s presence: In Psalm 34:18, the Bible says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This verse reminds us that in the midst of our grief, God is near and present, offering comfort and hope.

Jesus wept: John 11:35 tells us that Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died. This passage shows us that it is okay to grieve and that even Jesus himself experienced the pain of loss.

Eternal perspective: 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 reminds us that our present sufferings are temporary and are preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. This verse helps us to see our grief in light of eternity and find hope in the promise of heaven.

The hope of resurrection: 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 says, “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” This verse reminds us that our loved ones who have died in Christ will one day be resurrected, and we will be reunited with them in heaven.

Understanding the theology of grief can bring great comfort and hope to Christians who are experiencing loss. It reminds us that we are not alone, that God is with us, and that our pain is temporary. As we continue to grieve, let us hold fast to the promises of God and trust in His love and faithfulness.

Embracing Your Pain and Finding Comfort in God’s Word

Grief is a painful experience that is often difficult to face. However, it is important to allow yourself to feel your emotions and grieve in a healthy way. Embracing your pain can help you process your feelings and find comfort in God’s Word . The Bible offers a wealth of wisdom and comfort for those who are grieving.

One way to find comfort in God’s Word is to meditate on relevant scriptures. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This verse reminds us that God is with us in our pain and is ready to comfort us.

Another way to find comfort in God’s Word is to turn to Christian books and resources that offer insight into grief and healing. Reading about other Christians who have walked through grief can provide encouragement and hope.

Why it’s Important to Acknowledge Your Pain and Not Suppress It

Pain is a natural response to loss, and it’s important to acknowledge it rather than suppressing it. Suppressing your pain can cause it to resurface later, sometimes in unexpected and harmful ways. Ignoring your pain can lead to feelings of guilt or shame, and can prevent you from fully grieving and healing.

Embracing your pain can be a difficult process, but it’s an important step towards healing. It allows you to fully acknowledge the impact of your loss and work through your emotions. It can also help you find comfort and peace in God’s Word, which offers hope and assurance.

By recognizing your pain and turning to God for comfort, you can begin to find a sense of meaning and purpose in your suffering. You can trust that God is with you in your pain and that He will use it for your good and His glory.

How to Find Comfort and Strength in God’s Word During Grief

Pray for Guidance: Turning to God in prayer can help you find direction and guidance in His Word during times of grief. Ask Him to reveal His truth and comfort to you.

Read the Psalms: The Psalms are a powerful source of comfort and strength during times of sorrow. They express a wide range of emotions and remind us that we can pour out our hearts to God.

Focus on Hope: In the midst of grief, it can be easy to lose sight of the hope we have in Christ. Remind yourself of the promises in His Word and focus on the hope of eternal life with Him.

Memorize Scripture: Memorizing verses that speak to your heart can provide a source of comfort and strength when you need it most. Write them down and repeat them to yourself often.

Join a Bible Study: Studying God’s Word with others can provide encouragement and accountability during times of grief. Seek out a group or community that can offer support and prayer.

Remember that God’s Word is a source of comfort, strength, and hope during times of grief. Take the time to seek Him and His truth, and allow His Word to guide you through the healing process.

Practical Ways to Incorporate Bible Study and Prayer into Your Grief Journey

When going through a season of grief, it’s important to lean on God’s Word for comfort and strength. Here are some practical ways to incorporate Bible study and prayer into your grief journey:

• Set aside a specific time for Bible study and prayer each day: Choose a time that works best for you, whether it’s in the morning, afternoon, or evening, and commit to it.
• Keep a journal: Writing down your thoughts and prayers can be a helpful way to process your grief and reflect on God’s promises and faithfulness.
• Use a devotional book: There are many great devotional books available that focus specifically on grief and loss.
• Join a grief support group: Surrounding yourself with others who are going through a similar experience can provide encouragement and accountability in your spiritual journey.
• Listen to worship music: Music can be a powerful way to connect with God and find peace in the midst of pain.
• Pray with others: Reach out to friends or family members who can pray with you and offer support during this difficult time.

Remember, there is no one right way to grieve as a Christian. The most important thing is to seek comfort and strength in God’s Word and allow His love and grace to sustain you through the journey.

How to Process Your Emotions and Find Healing in Christ

Grief can be a complicated and overwhelming emotion. It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions during the grieving process. Suppressing your emotions can actually hinder the healing process, so it’s important to find healthy ways to express and process them.

One way to process your emotions is by talking to someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, or a Christian counselor who can offer guidance and support.

Another helpful tool is journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process them and gain clarity. Prayer is also a powerful tool for finding peace and comfort in times of sorrow.

It’s important to remember that healing is a process, and it’s okay to take your time. Rushing the healing process can actually do more harm than good. Self-compassion is key in this journey of healing.

Ultimately, finding healing in Christ is the foundation for processing your emotions. His love and comfort can bring peace in the midst of sorrow. As you lean into Him and trust in His plan, you can find hope and healing.

Why Processing Your Emotions is Crucial for Healing and Moving Forward

Emotions are a natural and necessary part of the grieving process , and allowing yourself to feel and express them can be a powerful step towards healing. When you suppress or ignore your emotions, they can become overwhelming and even cause physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, and insomnia.

Processing your emotions helps you make sense of your grief and find meaning in your loss . By acknowledging and exploring your feelings, you can begin to understand the impact your loved one had on your life and the legacy they left behind. This can be a transformative experience that allows you to find new purpose and direction in your life.

Ignoring or denying your emotions can lead to long-term negative consequences . Unresolved grief can cause depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues that can impact your relationships, career, and overall well-being. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions so you can work through them in a healthy way.

Processing your emotions can be challenging, but it’s a necessary part of the healing journey . It’s okay to seek support from loved ones, a therapist, or a support group to help you navigate this process. By taking the time to process your emotions and find healing, you can move forward with hope and purpose, honoring the memory of your loved one in a meaningful way.

Practical Steps for Grieving Well in Your Daily Life

Accept that grief is a process and there is no timeline for healing. Take it one day at a time and don’t be hard on yourself for having bad days.

Practice self-care by getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Seek support from friends, family, or a support group. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it, and be open to talking about your feelings.

Find meaning in your grief by volunteering, donating to a charity, or creating a memorial for your loved one. You can also find comfort in your faith or spirituality.

Creating a Supportive Environment for Yourself and Others

Be intentional: Surround yourself with people who will support and encourage you through the grieving process. Seek out community groups, support groups, or a counselor.

Practice empathy: Everyone grieves differently, so try to be understanding of other people’s grief journeys. Listen without judgment and offer comfort and support as needed.

Communicate honestly: Be honest with yourself and others about your feelings and needs during this time. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or say no to things that don’t feel right.

Find healthy outlets: Engage in activities that promote healing and relaxation, such as exercise, journaling, or spending time in nature. Encourage others to do the same.

Practical Self-Care Strategies for Grieving Well

Grieving can take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being. It is essential to prioritize self-care during this difficult time. Here are some practical self-care strategies that can help you grieve well:

• Get enough rest: Sleep is crucial for restoring your body and mind. Try to establish a regular sleep routine and create a relaxing sleep environment.
• Eat a healthy diet: Proper nutrition is essential for physical and emotional health. Focus on whole foods, fruits, and vegetables, and limit processed and high-sugar foods.
• Engage in physical activity: Exercise can help reduce stress and release endorphins, which can improve your mood. Choose activities that you enjoy and can fit into your daily routine.
• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you stay present and grounded during difficult emotions. Try deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.
• Connect with supportive people: Surround yourself with people who can provide emotional support, listen to you, and help you process your feelings.
• Take breaks and engage in activities you enjoy: Give yourself permission to take breaks and participate in activities that bring you joy, such as reading a book, listening to music, or taking a relaxing bath.

Remember that self-care is not selfish, but rather a necessary step towards healing and moving forward. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you need it. Grieving is a process, and everyone’s journey is different. Be patient with yourself and trust that healing is possible.

Dealing with Unresolved Grief and Finding Closure

Unresolved grief can be a heavy burden to carry, but it’s never too late to seek help and healing. Professional counseling can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

Journaling is a powerful tool for exploring your feelings and working through unresolved grief. Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you gain clarity and release pent-up emotions.

Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you stay present and connected with your emotions. By learning to sit with your feelings without judgment, you can begin to find peace and closure.

Finally, seeking closure doesn’t mean forgetting or moving on from your loved one. It means finding a way to honor their memory while also allowing yourself to heal and grow. Consider creating a memorial or participating in a meaningful ritual to say goodbye and find closure.

How to Identify and Work Through Unresolved Grief

Unresolved grief is a common phenomenon that many people experience after a significant loss. It’s a type of grief that persists over time and may interfere with daily life.

One way to identify unresolved grief is by looking for persistent feelings of sadness, anger, or guilt that are related to the loss. These feelings may come and go, but they never completely go away.

Another sign of unresolved grief is avoidance behavior. This can include avoiding places or activities that remind you of the person who passed away, or avoiding thoughts and feelings related to the loss altogether.

Working through unresolved grief can be a long and challenging process, but it’s important for healing and finding closure. This may involve seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and loss.

Why Seeking Professional Help is a Sign of Strength

Grief is a complex and challenging experience that can be difficult to navigate on your own. Seeking professional help from a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and courage.

Expertise: Mental health professionals have specialized training and experience in helping people work through their emotions and find healing. They can provide you with tools, techniques, and support to help you process your grief and move forward in a healthy way.

Unbiased Perspective: When we are in the midst of grief, it can be hard to see things clearly. A mental health professional can provide an objective, unbiased perspective and help you see things from a different point of view.

Safe Space: Professional therapy provides a safe and confidential space for you to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without fear of judgment. It is a place where you can be honest and vulnerable, and receive the support and guidance you need.

Reduced Stigma: Unfortunately, there is still a stigma surrounding seeking help for mental health issues. However, more and more people are recognizing that seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. By seeking help, you are taking an important step towards healing and growth, and setting a positive example for others.

Remember, seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and self-care. It is an important step on your journey towards healing and finding peace.

Finding Closure and Moving Forward with Hope in Christ

Dealing with unresolved grief can be a difficult and painful journey, but it is possible to find closure and move forward with hope. One important step is to turn to God for comfort and guidance. Praying, reading the Bible, and attending church can all provide a sense of peace and purpose.

Another helpful strategy is to surround yourself with a supportive community. Lean on close friends and family members who can provide a listening ear and offer encouragement.

It’s also important to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Practice self-care through activities like exercise, meditation, and journaling. And consider seeking professional help if you need it, such as a therapist or grief counselor.

Ultimately, finding closure and moving forward with hope in Christ is about embracing the present moment, accepting what cannot be changed, and trusting in God’s plan for your life.

Supporting Others in their Grief Journey: A Christian Perspective

When someone we care about is grieving, it can be difficult to know how to support them. It’s important to remember that everyone’s grief journey is unique, and what may be helpful for one person may not be for another. One key to supporting others in their grief journey is to be a good listener. Allow them to express their emotions and validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand.

Another important aspect of supporting others in their grief journey is to be present. Whether it’s physically being there for them, or simply sending a thoughtful message or card, letting them know that you care and are thinking of them can make a big difference. And as Christians, we can offer hope and comfort through our faith. Praying with and for them, sharing comforting scriptures, or simply reminding them of God’s love and presence can be a source of strength and comfort during a difficult time.

Finally, it’s important to remember that supporting others in their grief journey can be emotionally taxing. It’s okay to set boundaries and take care of your own well-being as you support others. Seek support from others or professional help if needed, and don’t forget to take time for self-care.

The Importance of Empathy and Active Listening in Supporting Others

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their feelings and perspective. When supporting someone who is grieving, it is crucial to demonstrate empathy by acknowledging their pain and being present with them. Avoid minimizing their feelings or offering unsolicited advice.

Active listening is a crucial skill in supporting others. This involves giving your full attention to the person speaking, asking open-ended questions to encourage them to share more, and reflecting back what they have said to show that you understand. This helps to build trust and deepen the connection between you and the person you are supporting.

By practicing empathy and active listening, you can create a safe and supportive environment for someone who is grieving. This can help them to feel heard, understood, and less alone in their journey.

Practical Ways to Support Someone Who is Grieving

Show up and be present: One of the most important things you can do for someone who is grieving is simply to be there for them. Make yourself available to listen and offer comfort, and avoid minimizing or dismissing their feelings.

Offer practical help: Grieving can be overwhelming and exhausting, and practical help can be a great comfort. Offer to run errands, prepare meals, or help with household chores. Small acts of kindness can make a big difference.

Be patient and flexible: Grief is a process, and everyone experiences it differently. Be patient with your loved one’s emotions and needs, and be flexible in your plans and expectations. Remember that grief doesn’t follow a set timeline or schedule.

Practice empathy and active listening: Try to put yourself in your loved one’s shoes and imagine how they might be feeling. Ask open-ended questions and actively listen to their responses without judgment or interruption. Offer validation and support for their emotions, and avoid offering unsolicited advice.

How to Share Your Faith and God’s Love with Someone Who is Grieving

Grief can be an incredibly isolating experience, and it’s not uncommon for individuals to question their faith or beliefs during this time. Sharing your faith with someone who is grieving can be a powerful way to provide comfort and support. Here are some practical tips:

• Listen first: Before sharing your own beliefs, it’s important to listen to the other person and understand where they are coming from. This shows that you respect their perspective and are not just trying to impose your own beliefs on them.
• Be sensitive: Avoid using religious clichés or platitudes, which can come across as dismissive or insensitive. Instead, speak from your heart and share personal stories or verses that have brought you comfort.
• Pray together: Ask the person if they would like to pray with you, and if they say yes, keep the prayer simple and heartfelt. This can be a powerful way to connect with God and each other.
• Offer practical support: Don’t just offer spiritual support – also offer practical help, such as bringing meals or running errands. This shows that you are willing to walk alongside the person in their grief.
• Respect boundaries: Remember that everyone processes grief differently, and it’s important to respect the other person’s boundaries. Don’t push them to talk about their beliefs or attend church if they are not ready.
• Continue to support: Grief is a long journey, and it’s important to continue to offer support long after the initial shock has worn off. Check in with the person regularly and let them know that you are still there for them.

Remember, sharing your faith with someone who is grieving is not about converting them – it’s about providing comfort, support, and hope during a difficult time.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to grieve well as a christian.

Grieving well as a Christian means embracing the emotions that come with loss while holding onto the hope and comfort that come from faith in God.

How can Christian beliefs and practices help with the grieving process?

Christian beliefs and practices, such as prayer, reading scripture, and being part of a supportive community, can provide comfort, guidance, and a sense of peace during the grieving process.

How can Christian counseling or therapy help with grieving?

Christian counseling or therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to process emotions and address any spiritual concerns related to grief. It can also offer guidance on how to integrate faith into the grieving process and find hope and meaning in the midst of loss.

What are some practical steps Christians can take to grieve well?

Some practical steps Christians can take to grieve well include allowing themselves to feel and express their emotions, seeking support from their faith community or a professional counselor, practicing self-care, and finding ways to honor and remember their loved one.

Privacy Overview

• RealLife: The Christian’s Journey Through Grief

Walking through the process of grief in a healthy way isn’t easy. Incomplete recovery can lead to a trail of negative consequences in every area of life.

In today’s podcast, Dr. Carol provides practical steps to working through the crisis of faith grief often brings including:

• What to expect while grieving
• What is normal and abnormal grief
• How to deal with the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of grief
• How grief affects one’s relationship with God

Resources Mentioned: 

• Get your  30 day email devotional series for The Christian’s Journey Through Grief
• Get your copy of the book  The Christian’s Journey Through Grief

7 Christian Stages Of Grief

Inside: Christian Stages of Grief

If you’re navigating the challenging waters of grief, first of all, I want you to know you’re not alone.

Grief is a journey that looks different for everyone, but it’s also a path where faith can offer powerful guidance and comfort.

In this article, we’ll explore the stages of grief through the lens of Christian faith.

So, take a deep breath and let’s walk this road together, shall we?

See the 7 Christian stages of grief below.

Grief may be a season, but God’s love is everlasting; in our darkest hour, His light still shines. Starla @ Coffee With Starla

Christian Stages Of Grief

Going through grief is like being on a roller coaster with ups and downs that you didn’t sign up for.

But don’t worry, you’re definitely not alone on this ride. The Bible offers timeless wisdom that can be like a comforting hug for your soul during these times.

I am not a Counselor, however I am a Christian Life Coach and specialize in Grief/Loss. Find your Christian Counselor today!

Let’s look at the 7 Christian stages of grief, and how Christian faith can guide you through each one.

1. Shock and Denial: “Wait, What Just Happened?”

The news hits you like a ton of bricks. Your first reaction might be disbelief. Remember, even Jesus’s disciples were in shock and disbelief after His crucifixion.

The good news is, God understands your pain and wants to comfort you (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

2. Pain and Guilt: “Ouch, This Hurts!”

Once the shock wears off, reality sets in and it can really hurt. You may also feel guilty for things you did or didn’t do.

The Bible tells us that God is near to those with broken hearts and crushed spirits (Psalm 34:18).

3. Anger and Bargaining: “Why, God, Why?”

Anger often comes storming in, and you may even aim it at God. That’s okay—He can handle it. Remember, the Psalms often express deep anger and questioning .

Bargaining might come into play here, as you make promises to God in hopes that things will go back to “normal.”

4. Depression: “I Just Can’t.”

You may feel a profound sense of loss and sadness. Like King David, who poured out his feelings of despair to God in Psalm 42, it’s okay to admit when you’re not okay.

5. The Upward Turn: “Maybe There’s a Way Through This.”

Here, the fog may start to lift a little. You begin adjusting to a new kind of normal. Just as God provided manna in the wilderness for the Israelites, He provides just what you need for each day (Exodus 16).

6. Reconstruction: “Let’s Try to Rebuild.”

Now you’re starting to figure out practical things and solve problems related to your loss.

Think of Nehemiah, who literally rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem while facing opposition (Nehemiah 6). With God’s help, you can start rebuilding your life, too.

7. Acceptance and Hope: “I Can See Light Ahead.”

You’ll never forget your loss, but you can start to see a future beyond it. This is like when the Apostle Paul talks about the “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

You understand that life must go on, and you start feeling hopeful about the future.

Bonus: Hope

Hope is the anchor of the soul (Hebrews 6:19). Even in grief, we have hope because of Jesus.

He conquered death, giving us the promise of eternal life. Our earthly sorrows will one day be wiped away in heaven (Revelation 21:4).

The 7 Christian Stages of Grief aren’t always linear— you might jump back and forth between them, and that’s okay.

The important thing is to lean into your faith and trust that God is with you every step of the way. Do not hesitate to see a Christian counselor if needed.

What Is The Christian Perspective On Grieving

Grieving is like walking through a really dense fog where you can’t see what’s ahead, and let’s be honest, it’s super tough.

But guess what?

In Christianity, there’s a unique take on grief that’s rooted in hope and love.

So, let’s dig into this together, shall we?

God Gets It: He’s Been There

God totally understands grief. I mean, Jesus wept when His friend Lazarus died (John 11:35).

So, it’s not like God is looking down from Heaven, scratching His head, and saying, “Why are they so sad?” He gets it, deeply and personally.

Pour Out Your Heart: It’s Okay!

In Christianity, it’s perfectly fine to bring all your feelings to God—He can handle it. Ever read the Psalms?

They’re jam-packed with raw emotions. People are shouting, “Why, God, why?” and “How long, O Lord?” (Psalm 13). So, go ahead, pour out your heart to Him. Perhaps start with journaling your grief?

You’re Not Alone: The Holy Spirit is Your Comforter

When Jesus was preparing to leave Earth, He promised to send the Holy Spirit as a Comforter (John 14:26).

The Holy Spirit is like a heavenly warm blanket for your soul. You’re never alone when you’re grieving. God’s Spirit is right there, holding you up.

Lean on Your Christian Fam: Community Matters

You know how church is more than just a place with pews and hymnals? It’s a family. And families are there for each other, especially during the tough times.

Don’t be shy to lean on your Christian friends, pastors, or church community. They can offer emotional support, prayers, and sometimes even a really good casserole!

Hope on the Horizon: The Ultimate Game-Changer

The big, radiant light at the end of Christianity’s grief tunnel is hope. Because Jesus defeated death and rose again, we have the promise of eternal life (John 3:16).

So, while the pain of loss is real and raw, there’s a comfort in knowing that for believers, death is not the end.

God’s Gonna Wipe Away Those Tears: The Future is Bright

In Revelation 21:4, it says God will wipe away every tear and there will be no more sorrow or pain. So, yes, grieving is hard, but it won’t last forever. One day you’ll be in a place where sadness can’t even touch you.

The Christian perspective on grieving is like a tapestry woven with threads of empathy, emotional openness, community support, and the most vibrant thread of all—hope.

I hope the Christian Stages of Grief above helped encourage you.

How Long Do Christians Grieve

There’s no set time frame for grieving.

The Bible shows us that people grieve in various ways and for different lengths of time. Grief is more of a process than a single event to “get over.”

Just like seasons change, the intensity of your grief may change over time, but that doesn’t mean it ever disappears completely.

The key thing to remember is that God’s love and support are constant, and the hope of eternal life can offer a unique comfort.

Whether your grieving lasts for months or years, you’re not alone; God and your Christian community are there to support you.

If you feel like your grieving is taking a long time do not hesitate to reach out to a grief counselor or a Grief Share group .

Through the lens of faith, grief becomes not the end of the story, but a chapter in a greater narrative of hope and eternal reunion. Starla @ Coffee With Starla

What Does The Bible Say About The Grieving Process

The Bible has much to say about the emotional highs and lows of the human experience, including the process of grieving.

While the Bible doesn’t lay out a formal “grieving process,” it does offer many verses that speak to the emotions and experiences one might go through while grieving.

Here’s a look:

Shock and Denial

• John 11:35 : “Jesus wept.” Even Jesus was moved to tears when he encountered the death of his friend Lazarus, indicating that shock and emotional reactions are a natural part of the human experience.

Pain and Guilt

• Psalm 34:18 : “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God understands the depths of our pain and sorrow and promises to be near to us during those times.

Anger and Bargaining

• Ephesians 4:26 : “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” The Bible acknowledges the reality of anger, but advises against letting it lead us to sin.
• Psalm 22:1-2 : “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?” Even King David cried out to God in his pain, showing that it’s okay to bring our questions and frustrations to God.
• Psalm 42:11 : “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Feelings of depression and despair are addressed openly in the Bible, which also encourages us to place our hope in God during these times.

The Upward Turn and Reconstruction

• 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 : “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” God not only comforts us but equips us to comfort others.

Acceptance and Hope

• Philippians 4:7 : “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” The Bible speaks about a peace that is beyond human understanding, something that can be especially comforting during times of grief.

Eternal Perspective

• 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 : “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” The Christian faith offers an eternal perspective that can provide deep comfort during the grieving process.

While the Bible doesn’t outline a specific grieving process, it does provide comfort, guidance, and hope for those who are suffering.

Read these 30 Bible Verses On Grief.

In our deepest grief, we find God nearest; His comfort transcending our understanding, His love our everlasting peace. Starla @ Coffee With Starla

People In The Bible Who Grieved

The Bible contains many accounts of people who experienced deep grief and sorrow.

Their stories offer us valuable insights into the human experience of loss and how faith can sustain us during such times.

Here are some examples:

David’s life was full of moments of grief. He mourned the death of his best friend Jonathan (2 Samuel 1:11-12) and the loss of his infant son (2 Samuel 12:16-23). His psalms often express deep sorrow and pleas for God’s intervention.

Perhaps no one in the Bible exemplifies suffering and grief as much as Job. He lost his children, his wealth, and his health but continued to trust in God’s sovereignty, even when he questioned it (Job 1-3).

Jesus Himself grieved over the loss of His friend Lazarus, shedding tears before raising him from the dead (John 11:35). He also lamented over the future of Jerusalem (Matthew 23:37-39).

Mary and Martha

The sisters of Lazarus mourned his death and were initially disappointed that Jesus hadn’t arrived in time to save him (John 11:17-27). Their grief was transformed into joy when Lazarus was resurrected.

Naomi experienced the loss of her husband and two sons, leaving her feeling bitter and empty (Ruth 1:3-5, 20-21). Yet, she finds hope and a renewed sense of family through her daughter-in-law, Ruth.

Often called the “weeping prophet,” Jeremiah mourned for his people and their separation from God, which led to their exile (Lamentations 3).

Apostle Paul

Paul felt grief over the spiritual state of the Israelites, so much so that he wished himself “cursed” if it could mean their salvation (Romans 9:1-3).

Peter wept bitterly after denying Jesus three times, showing a deep sense of remorse and grief for his actions (Luke 22:62).

She is described as weeping for her lost descendants after the massacre of infants in Bethlehem, a representation of collective grief (Matthew 2:18, referencing Jeremiah 31:15).

The people in these biblical accounts responded to grief in various ways—through tears, laments, questioning, and even moments of despair.

Yet, their stories often point to a hope beyond their immediate circumstances, a hope rooted in God’s love and ultimate plans for restoration and redemption.

Read This — 50 Bible Verses For The Grieving Heart

Even in the shadow of grief, the light of Christ shines, offering us hope for a reunion in eternal joy. Starla @ Coffee With Starla

Bible Verses To Read When Grieving

The Bible offers many verses that can be comforting during times of grief.

Here are five Bible verses often turned to for solace, along with their meanings. Use these along with the Christian Stages Of Grief above.

1. Psalm 34:18

Verse : “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Meaning : This verse assures us that God is particularly near when we are at our lowest. If your heart feels like it’s shattered into a million pieces, you can be certain that God is right there with you, offering His comfort and love.

2. Matthew 5:4

Verse : “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Meaning : This is part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, where He highlights the values of the Kingdom of Heaven. In this verse, He promises that mourning isn’t a permanent state for believers. Though you may be grieving now, comfort is on its way.

3. Revelation 21:4

Verse : “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Meaning : This verse provides a future hope for Christians. One day, all the things that cause us grief, pain, and tears will be eradicated. God Himself will ensure that our sorrows come to an end .

4. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Verse : “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Meaning : This verse reminds us that the comfort God provides isn’t just for our own benefit. God comforts us so that we, in turn, can be a comfort to others. Even in our grief, we are part of a larger community, and our experiences can help others in their times of need.

5. Isaiah 41:10

Verse : “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Meaning : This verse offers reassurance that God is always with us, especially in challenging and painful times. He promises not just to be a passive observer but to actively provide strength and support.

Each of these verses offers a unique facet of God’s care, compassion, and promise for those who are grieving.

They provide both immediate comfort and a lasting hope that goes beyond our present circumstances.

Prayer When Grieving

Dear Heavenly Father,

In this moment of grief and loss, I come before You with a heavy heart and a flood of emotions. Lord, You know the pain that fills me, and I’m reminded that even Jesus wept at the loss of His friend Lazarus.

I thank You that You are the God who is close to the brokenhearted and the God of all comfort.

Father, I ask that You would envelop me in Your loving arms. Fill the emptiness and void left by my loss with the comfort only You can give.

I trust in Your promise that You will never leave me nor forsake me, especially in this time when everything feels so uncertain.

Help me to remember the hope we have in Jesus Christ—that because of His resurrection, we too have the promise of eternal life.

Comfort me with the knowledge that I will be reunited with my loved ones who have gone before me in faith.

Give me strength to face each day, and the wisdom to support others who are grieving. Empower me to be a source of comfort for them, just as You are my Comforter.

I know that You work all things for good for those who love You, even when I can’t see it now. Help me to lean into Your love and to trust in Your timing, knowing that joy comes in the morning.

Thank You for Your unfailing love and for being my refuge in this storm. I ask all of this in the precious name of Jesus Christ, my Savior.

Use this prayer along with the Christian Stages of Grief above.

Christians Grief Counseling

Looking for Christians Grief Counseling? Finding the right grief counselor is a crucial step in the healing process, and for Christians, finding one who aligns with your faith can offer additional comfort and guidance.

Here are some tips to help you find the right Christian grief counselor:

1. Ask for Recommendations

Start by asking your pastor or church community for recommendations. They often have trusted counselors they can refer you to.

2. Check Qualifications

Make sure the counselor you’re considering is well-qualified. Look for certifications, degrees in counseling or psychology, and any additional training in grief therapy. They need to specialize in Grief Counseling.

3. Confirm Faith Alignment

Make sure the counselor’s faith aligns with yours. It’s important that they can integrate Biblical principles into the counseling sessions, offering both psychological and spiritual guidance.

4. Check Reviews and Testimonials

Look online for reviews or ask the counselor for testimonials. These firsthand accounts can give you an idea of what to expect and whether the counselor has successfully helped others in similar situations.

5. Initial Consultation

Many counselors offer an initial consultation, either free or at a reduced rate. Sometimes they will over this through a video chat or a phone call. Use this opportunity to gauge whether you feel comfortable with them, and ask questions about their approach to grief counseling.

6. Inquire About Techniques

Some Christian counselors might use specific therapeutic methods that incorporate faith, such as Christian Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Ask about their approaches and techniques to ensure they suit your needs.

7. Consider Logistics

Don’t forget practical aspects like location, availability, and whether they offer online sessions, which can be beneficial especially if you’re not up to leaving home regularly.

8. Ask About Costs

Counseling can be expensive sometimes, so check whether your insurance covers the sessions or if there are payment plans or sliding scale fees available.

9. Pray About It

Finally, ask for God’s guidance in making your choice. A simple prayer asking for wisdom can provide comfort and assurance that you’re making the right decision.

Remember, it’s perfectly okay to switch counselors if you find that the first one isn’t a good fit.

The most important thing is that you’re taking steps to heal, and finding the right counselor is a significant part of that journey.

As we wrap up this article on Christian Stages Of Grief, how has your faith impacted your journey through the stages of grief? We’d love to hear your story and learn how you’ve found comfort and hope in the midst of loss. Join the discussion in my FB group, Coffee Talk For Christian Women.

Join my online women’s Bible study and cultivate meaningful Christian friendships while growing in your faith. Our study resources are designed to guide you in your spiritual renewal and help you deepen your relationship with God. Participate from the comfort of your own home at a time that works for you. Don’t miss out on this incredible opportunity to connect with other women and experience spiritual growth!

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Special Ways Stephen Ministry Congregations Can Use Journeying through Grief

The set of four Journeying through Grief books is a powerful resource for any individual, congregation, or organization to give to grieving persons in the first year after the loss. In addition, giving these books provides special opportunities for Stephen Ministry congregations. Giving Journeying through Grief books can—

Encourage people to seek care from a Stephen Minister. Grieving people who receive and read Journeying through Grief will be more open to receiving care from a Stephen Minister. The books encourage the reader to find a safe, caring person to talk to about his or her feelings—which describes a Stephen Minister perfectly.

Help care receivers open up. A Stephen Minister can use the books as a conversation starter, asking the care receiver, “What did you read in the book that resonated with you? What opened up for you?”

Provide continuing education for Stephen Ministers. Journeying through Grief is written for those who are grieving, but the books also provide valuable information about grief for Stephen Ministers. You can use them in a four-part continuing education series, reading and discussing one book at each session.

Reach out to people beyond the congregation. Congregation members probably know of friends, neighbors, coworkers, colleagues, or relatives who are grieving. You can encourage church members to let your congregation know about these grieving people who aren’t members of your congregation and send the four books to them during the first year. It can also be good to include a Stephen Ministry brochure with each book sent locally—letting recipients know that you have Stephen Ministers available to listen and care.

Who Sends the Books for the Congregation?

When your congregation decides to make these books part of its grief ministry, appoint a person or team to send the books on behalf of your congregation. Typically, the books will be sent by a pastor—an assistant or volunteer can prepare each book and cover letter for the pastor’s signature. However, some congregations decide to send the books through another staff person, a grief support group facilitator, or a Stephen Leader. In some congregations, a Stephen Minister hand-delivers each book to his or her care receiver.

Once your congregation decides who the sender will be, another person—possibly an administrative assistant, a special volunteer, or a retired Stephen Minister—can assist the sender by tracking the mailing dates and getting the books ready to go. The Journeying through Grief Giver’s Guide provides ideas for doing this, as well as sample letters you can adapt to send with each book. This makes sending the books at just the right time easy to do—so they can make the greatest difference in the life of someone who is grieving.

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A Christian's Perspective Journey Through Grief Paperback – June 1, 2013

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• Publisher ‏ : ‎ CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (June 1, 2013)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 86 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1478291702
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Shelia E. Bell is a multi-award-winning, national bestselling author with 40+ books published in Christian fiction, women’s fiction, romance, nonfiction, and young adult genres. Her books have garnered numerous awards and accolades, including 2017 Christian Literary Readers' Choice Award, 2015 Rosa Parks Award, 2014 Christian Literary Award, AAMBC Nate Holmes Honorary Award, Kindle Award, OOSA Book of the Year, numerous SORMAG awards and more.

Shelia began her publishing career in 1999. Since then, she has set the literary industry ablaze with her dynamic, true to life stories that she calls "perfect stories about imperfect people like you...and me."

Shelia is passionate about helping others and encourages and promotes people to ‘live their dreams now.’ In 2012, she founded a non profit organization "Black Writers And Book Clubs (BWABC) Literacy Association" with a mission to promote literacy one community at a time. Shelia is also a well-respected freelance book editor.

Having contracted polio at the age of two, she accepts no excuses and is determined not to let her physical imperfections keep her from her life’s purposes.

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• Christian Poems about Grief: Finding Solace in Faith

Grief is an unavoidable part of the human experience. It is a profound and complex emotion that can be overwhelming, leaving us feeling lost, broken, and alone. However, for those who hold a deep faith in Christianity, poetry can serve as a powerful tool for finding solace and healing during times of grief. Christian poets often channel their sorrow into verses that explore the themes of loss, hope, and the comforting presence of God. In this article, we will delve into the world of Christian poems about grief, highlighting a few exquisite examples that beautifully capture the intersection of faith and sorrow.

1. "When Grief Strikes" by Mary DeMuth

2. "comfort in the valley" by helen steiner rice, 3. "a song in the night" by emily dickinson, 4. "grief's companion" by wendell berry.

When grief strikes, the heart bends low, Weighted by sorrow's blow. But in the depths of darkest night, God's presence brings His guiding light.

Mary DeMuth's poignant poem, "When Grief Strikes," encapsulates the overwhelming weight of grief while emphasizing the ever-present solace found in God's unwavering presence. Her verse reminds us that even in our darkest moments, God's light shines on, providing guidance and strength.

Though shadows may surround us here, And tears may freely flow, God’s presence is forever near To comfort and bestow.

Helen Steiner Rice, known for her heartfelt Christian poetry, crafts a deeply comforting piece in "Comfort in the Valley." Through her words, Rice assures the reader that even in the midst of darkness, God's presence remains close, offering solace and comfort. It is a reminder that grief is not a solitary journey but one where God walks alongside us, providing support and strength.

When darkness falls upon my soul, And grief engulfs my weary heart, I find solace in God's embrace, His love, a balm that mends each part.

While not explicitly identified as a Christian poet, Emily Dickinson's poems often explore themes of spirituality and faith. In "A Song in the Night," Dickinson offers a glimpse into her personal journey through grief. She finds solace in God's embrace, reminding us that even in our darkest moments, God's love has the power to heal and mend.

Grief is a companion, always near, A faithful friend through every tear. But in the depths of sorrow's hold, God's love, like a river, unfolds.

Wendell Berry, a contemporary Christian poet, explores the concept of grief as a constant companion in his poem "Grief's Companion." Berry acknowledges the ever-present nature of grief but also reminds us that God's love flows abundantly, offering solace and comfort, even in the darkest of times.

Christian poems about grief provide a unique perspective on navigating the tumultuous journey of loss. These poems offer solace, hope, and a reminder of God's unwavering presence during times of sorrow. Whether written by well-known poets or found within the heartfelt verses of anonymous authors, these Christian poems encapsulate the essence of finding comfort and healing through faith. When words fail, poetry becomes a vessel for expressing the depths of our grief while reminding us that we are never alone in our pain.

• Famous Poems About Finding Love
• Poetry in the Face of Adversity: Exploring Poems about Being Put Down

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Famous Poems About Grief: A Profound Exploration of Loss and Healing

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Exploring Langston Hughes' Poems about Death

Poems About Grief and Healing: Finding Solace in Words

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ebook ∣ How to Walk Through the Valley With Hope

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• Helps readers distinguish between normal and unhealthy grieving
• Provides practical steps to help readers maintain their physical health, emotional health, and relationships while grieving
• Offers guidance for working through the crisis of faith grief often brings
• Gives specific steps the grieving can take toward healing
• What to expect while grieving
• What is normal and abnormal grief
• How to deal with the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of grief
• How grief affects one's relationship with God
• Which steps the grieving person can take toward healing
• How the hope of eternity helps in the journey of grief

031 Embracing Strengths, Handling Grief, and Finding Community feat. Rebekah Cornelius Grace for the Growth with Courtney Leo

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031 Embracing Strengths, Handling Grief, and Finding Community feat. Rebekah Cornelius In this episode of Grace for the Growth, Courtney Leo talks with Rebekah Cornelius, a Christian single with a passion for helping people understand and apply their unique talents to life, relationships and career utilizing CliftonStrengths and positive mindset life coaching. The two discuss themes of self-discovery, empathy, and grief from both personal and professional perspectives. Rebekah offers practical advice on embracing your unique strengths, navigating through emotions using Scripture, and dealing with grief in a healthy way. Key Takeaways: Understanding and embracing one's unique Clifton Strengths can allow for better self-awareness and improved interactions with others. Emotions should be embraced, and Scripture can serve as guidance through tough times. Grief comes in many forms and should not be compared. It's important to fully feel and process it. Empathetic listening is a powerful tool that requires healthy boundaries and self-care. Seeking support from friends, pastors, counselors, or programs like GriefShare is encouraged. About Rebekah: Rebekah is a lover of Jesus, people, stories, and creating space and margin. She loves to help people understand and apply their unique talents to life, relationships, and career utilizing CliftonStrengths and positive mindset life coaching. With a background in education, non-profits, and faith-based ministries, Rebekah has over 20 years of experience coaching leaders and future leaders, and she has coached hundreds of individuals and managers through a Strengths-based lens. She believes that all people have value and potential waiting to be discovered and applied and that doing so is a biblical mandate of stewardship. In her down time you may find her driving through the Rocky Mountains looking for that perfect landscape, at a local coffee shop in deep conversation with a new friend, exploring seasonal blossoms at the Denver Botanic Gardens, or baking something yummy to share with her neighbors. Rebekah enjoys serving on the Welcome Team at her church and investing in the lives of Christian Singles online and around the world! Connect with Rebekah on Instagram on her personal account or coaching account. ------ Ladies, if you ever thought "I feel like I'm made for more", we've got the event for you. Dare to Bloom is a 2 day virtual experience designed to empower women to unleash those dreams, break free from limiting beliefs and step into abundance. As a podcast listener, we are giving you FREE access. ⁠Click here to request your FREE guest pass.⁠   ------ Want to design your ideal solo date? Download the Design Your Dream Solo Date workbook for free by ⁠clicking here.⁠    ------ Catch up on previous episodes on ⁠Apple⁠, ⁠Spotify⁠, ⁠Google Podcasts⁠, and ⁠more⁠! Please rate, review, subscribe and share. Thanks so much!!  ------ Engage in the conversation:  ⁠⁠@GracefortheGrowth ⁠⁠on ⁠⁠IG⁠⁠ & Facebook  ⁠⁠@CourtneyyLeo⁠⁠ on IG and TikTok  Email: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠ with ideas, questions, and stories about your own growth journey!  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/courtney-leo/support

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